Posted by lucie lu on September 27, 2008, at 22:47:09
In reply to Re: Partners' feelings, LT therapy, (long-ish) » lucie lu, posted by Dinah on September 20, 2008, at 9:46:34
> I may have made it sound a bit better off than it is.
I don't know about that... I have always been impressed with how well you seem to balance the different relationships, Dinah. Not being attracted to your T is certainly a help, but you are so thoughtful about your therapy I think your husband probably can see pretty clearly what it means to you (and doesn't mean).
> I think it helps a lot that I'm not sexually or romantically attracted to my therapist. My husband would have a really hard time with that. And while he's not particularly perceptive, I think he might have been able to figure that out. It may be, and I'm not sure about this, that he recognizes my need for a stabilizing parental figure in my life. He certainly knows I can be childish at times. He also knows that I don't feel sexual desire for real people that easily. Movie stars or other two dimensional people, sure. He'd rightfully be astonished if I developed sexual feelings for 3D people.
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We are all childish at times, and need parenting and love and comfort. Your husband must be too, isn't he? And I have had the sense from your posts that you provide some of that to him as well.> And I really thank heaven that I can trust my husband to not in any way, actively or passively, violate my privacy. I have no desire to hurt him with thoughts, which don't always reflect my commitment and attachment to my husband.
Therapy - at least psychodynamic or analysis - is definitely not a shared activity! No one should try to go inside another's head. What would they learn if they could? They are almost bound to find out things they'd rather not have knowledge of ;) Our minds, I'm afraid, can be pretty wild and savage places. Especially when we are thinking about our therapy. So I really wish he had not read my journal. It hurt him unnecessarily, and that is not something I ever wanted to see happen.
> I suppose I also work at helping my husband accept therapy. I do talk about therapy, sometimes in terms of my psychological issues, but other times in terms of my therapist's upcoming trips, or some observations I have about my therapist. I think it helps my husband to know that I don't think my therapist is perfect, or even more perfect than my husband.
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> I also do a lot of the work most people have to do with their partners. Greeting him with pleasure when he comes home, trying to stop a day that threatens to degenerate into hostility by consciously changing my stance to one of warmth, stuff like that.
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> So I think I probably do go out of the way to make sure my husband doesn't have any reason to feel resentment other than the money. Not that that would work with all husbands, so again I'm glad that I have a husband who responds positively to the work I put in.
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> We have our share of challenges in our marriage. It would be very hard for me if the thing that helps me get through those challenges was itself a problem. So I really am sorry that it's proven to be a problem in your relationship.Thanks, Dinah.
Lucie
poster:lucie lu
thread:853000
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080920/msgs/854529.html