Posted by Racer on August 31, 2008, at 15:38:37
In reply to Re: Racer-valadation » seldomseen, posted by lemonaide on August 31, 2008, at 14:45:05
> I know many of us repeat the patterns of abuse or relationships like what we experienced in childhood. But shouldn't T's help us get out of that pattern instead of becoming that pattern?
Yes, therapists should do just that. But they can't do it for us -- sometimes our transference interferes with our ability to recognize and respond to that help. That's the whole shared responsibility part -- communication, by its nature, it two way. The therapist can be responsible for what is said, but the client is responsible for how it's heard.
That said, I know that sometimes my therapist hears her interpretation of what I'm saying, and not what I'm saying, so I've learned to confirm what she heard if it's important to me. If I recognize the need to do that now and again, I think therapists should, too.
> It almost sound to me, and I may be off here, but it sounds like you are putting the victim at fault here for having an unethical relationship with their T.
I didn't hear this in Seldom's posts, so I'd like to share what I did hear. It'll illustrate what I just said about communication:If we absolve ourselves of ALL responsibility for the dynamics of a failed therapeutic relationship, we're not only perpetuating a lot of the same dynamics that led to our transference reactions in the first place, we're also declaring ourselves powerless.
The problem, I think, is that there is not a lot of healthy space involved in this issue. We have to learn to accept our portion of the responsibility -- really accept it, down to our mitochondria -- because otherwise we'll always feel helpless, which will perpetuate the whole dynamic. On the other hand, we have to avoid internalizing those external messages that we're at fault -- "Now see what you're making me do to you?"
Between those to places, there's a place where we can experience both our anger for what others have done, and our own power to influence events.
Does that make sense?
poster:Racer
thread:849022
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080826/msgs/849499.html