Posted by llurpsienoodle on November 22, 2007, at 10:10:58
In reply to Re: this has been coming on for a couple days now » llurpsienoodle, posted by RealMe on November 21, 2007, at 23:04:21
> Sure be like me; don't talk to T about it, and then like me you get to revisit it 20 years later. Hum--not a good plan, and if I had known then what I know now, I would have taken the bull by the horns. I think lots of us have stuff that is really dark and horrible, and I don't want to share with T, but today when I told him I did not want to get into horrible stuff and he indicated it still haunts me, I said, "you don't want to go there." He said maybe he didn't want to go there anymore than I do, but I have been there and go there alone, and he wants to go there with me so I won't be alone with it. He let me know no matter what, he can handle it. I told him I am scared, and he looks at me so intently it is painful.
***yeah. it's the intent gaze that is so troublesome. Like he can see into the darkest recesses of my heart>I started to feel closer to him again today, and then I went to work and just worked on reports and actually started to dissociate; almost fell off my chair and wrote stuff in the report that was my stuff. I always proof my repots, and went omg. So, I feel I have to protect myself somehow, but I can't just ignore what has reared it's ugly head either. It doesn't work. This is the voice of experience, unfortunately.
And your experience means a lot to me. It's a very interesting perspective, and your advice is really valuable to me. Trauma memories would be FINE if they could stay localized, but at some point they tend to bleed over, into everyday experience, and that's the scary part.
-Ll
poster:llurpsienoodle
thread:796467
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071120/msgs/796537.html