Posted by rskontos on October 20, 2007, at 12:45:50
In reply to Re: I'm a snuggler -- but don't touch me..., posted by Daisym on October 20, 2007, at 12:20:48
I think for me it means both. I dont trust the world and after my parents that never showed affection or trust it is hard to think anyone else is trustworthy. And hugs are so personal. I never get personal if I can help it because personal information makes it possible for people to hurt you and when you suffer so much hurt early on you want to protect yourself later on. At least for me. So I have just isolated myself never risked too much. I even managed the sex part just dissociated from it so it wasn't personal. I used retreat into the deepest part of myself so that no one could touch me deep inside my soul so that even if my body was used like in sex it didn't touch me personally. Hugs can be personal and touch your soul so I don't invite them. I 've thought about this because a dear friend came to me on Friday and we talked about her situation and she was crying and I was unable to hug her. I gave her tons of support through talking and I don't think she wanted me to hug her but I've thought about how I was just unable to hug her if even if I thought it was the right thing to do. Just too personal for me. I trust her but still too personal......I can't risk it just yet. My DH makes me hug him and I do but it rare for me to insigate it. It bothers him and I try to but even after 20 years of marriage.....He asked me the other day if I trust him and I still can't say I do totally. Because he has done things that don't make him totally trust worthy. Sad isn't it. I just I don't trust myself either. My T says we will work on all this.......sigh a long road ahead I am afraid...rk
poster:rskontos
thread:789878
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071009/msgs/790333.html