Posted by annierose on October 12, 2007, at 14:12:09
In reply to Pushing and Pulling again, posted by DAisym on October 12, 2007, at 13:41:52
You want to pull away because he does care. You do feel the caring and that is so painful, scary and wonderful all rolled into one experience. It’s counter-intuitive but unfortunately, it is the template our brains have mastered: people that care about us either hurt us or leave or both. It shouldn’t be that way, but it is.
Push through this. Call, write, and keep all the lines of communication open to him even if the little part of you says, “NO. He doesn’t care.” He does. He cares a great deal. Tap into your rational side and talk to her. She feels the caring. She knows it’s real.
I care. And I can even share ice cream or a glass of wine with you – or both.
You are special inside and out. Keep pushing back. You may tell him shocking things, but is he expressing shock? No, he is concerned. He wanted to call you this weekend, right? You can't scare him away. He wants this relationship to work for you. He is not going anywhere.
I told my therapist this morning that I felt a shift in our therapy. She acknowledged feeling it too. After (almost) 4 years of work, I am starting to really trust her and work with these vulnerable feelings. My point – it took 4 years (plus the initial 4 years) just to get to the beginning.
We are in the midst of a long journey that encounters road blocks, detours, scenic drives and auto pilot. Let's buckle our seat beats and help each other naviage the roadmap. (We're both great back seat drivers.)
I hope you know you can lean on me.
Love, Annierose
poster:annierose
thread:788749
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071009/msgs/788759.html