Posted by gazo on May 10, 2007, at 10:47:58
In reply to Re: out of it » gazo, posted by ElaineM on May 9, 2007, at 22:26:41
if things are going well and are productive... then it is at least worth exploring.. try a hypothetical approach. example "if i was upset with you and told a friend, and then it got back to you...how would you feel and what would you do? would you even read it if i asked you not to?"
try talking about trusting him to respect your wishes on these things... that way it's indirect and might help build your trust in him.
i think if you were ok with the responses from above you could simply say that you were able to tell this other T things that you aren't ready to tell him and that it would hurt you and affect your trust in him if he were to read it.
i don't think any good T would be hurt by that at all... it's a perfectly reasonable request.
another thought. Ask him to only allow written or email communication from the old T... then allow you to read it yourself first... then decide which parts you are ready to share with him.
Just because ladyT wants to tell him doesn't mean you and him have to listen right?
in writing..not even email.. paper writing tell her briefly and directly that disclosure may only be given to the new T via written (paper) communication. She cannot legally go against your wishes and you have a right to know what she would say.
the whole thing can really be an opportunity to work on trusting your new T without getting too much into the "other" stuff. Talk about your feelings about trust and sharing. Talk about how this thing with the old T feels.
I still think you should do that part regardless... but have considered just not having that last session with her? I mean, i *know* myself that would be hard.. but isn't this whole mess hard anyway? Don't you thnk you have the right to be angry? We tend to be so hurt (guilty here too) but she is not doing you justice and she has all the power... take it back from her.
i know that is next to impossible.. i really do. But damn, i wish you could. It would be reasonable for sure. Why does she think she has the right to retraumatize you? Just makes me mad...
i feel a little betrayed my my old T.. the one i was so attached to... wanted him so much... still do i guess.. but i have some anger now and it is very freeing.
that said.. i think you should talk to your t about the pain of this and the issue of building trust and not being ready to share yet... you don't even have to talk aboit this situation yet. You can *try* to let her sit on it. Deal with it on *your* time and terms.
Betrayal is a terrible thing. Please try to hold on and be good to yourself... don't let someone have all the power.
much love and peace
poster:gazo
thread:756826
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070505/msgs/757423.html