Posted by littleone on January 28, 2007, at 22:27:43
In reply to Thanks. Friends here are NOT confusing, posted by Daisym on January 27, 2007, at 19:10:13
> My friend called this morning to apologize for upsetting me. She said she thinks she was actually kind of mad at me because she has been needing me and she is used to me being her rock. It is scary for her to see me falling apart and she has a lot she needs help with. I'm her go-to person.
I know you were real upset with your earlier conversation with her, but I was really impressed that your friendship was open and honest enough for her to be able to tell you this.
Does this mean that you really value this friendship and want to bring her round to your way of thinking so you can rely on her in this sort of situation in future? Or do you think it would plateau out at a lower level of friendship? Sorry, but I wasn't exactly sure what you wanted/hoped for/thought was realistic/etc. The entire friendship concept confuses me.
> I told her how sorry I am that I haven't been a good friend but that she isn't allowed to screw with my head right now about therapy, I'm too fragile.
Yay for you!!!! I was so happy to hear you say this. This is a really great stand-up-for-yourself step forward. You did so good.
> Has anyone else educated someone about their therapy? What do you say?
Kind of. A couple of times I've been kind of forced to explain some things to my husband. I'm not sure about what you should/shoudn't say to your friend, but I found the following important when talking to my husband:
- had to be really clear in my head up front about it all. Had to know what I did (and didn't) want to tell him. Had to know why I wanted to tell, ie what I wanted to get out of it, eg just to inform him (in which case his reaction doesn't matter), or whether I wanted him to understand and validate, or whether I wanted him to change a behaviour and understanding the why's would help him do this, etc.
- had to be really clear in my head up front as to how I would tell him what I had to, what words I would use, played it out in my head.
- it also helped me to say up front that I needed to tell him something and to not be interupted, but he could talk afterwards. This helped me to run through my script so I could say what had to be said and then just try and cope with whatever questions/statements came from him afterwards.
- I don't know if this would apply to you, but I would find it very scary to do this because if it worked, it would deepen the friendship and may bring more responsibility to me. But that's just me and I have no idea if you have those fears or not (or if the opposite is true and you are longing to deepen the friendship). Like I said, I don't get the whole "friends" thing at all.
- it might help to clarify up front again that you need to have this talk without hearing her attack your therapy.
- it might also help to have some sort of signal up front, like a word/phrase, that you can say if it is getting too threatening for you. eg if you start to feel young and can't cope with the conversation, you may need to bail out (for a little while) and take it up again another time.
I guess another thing to remember is that people here are supportive of you because they understand you and your T and the process you're going through. That has only come about over time. It might take time for her to understand too, so maybe you shouldn't give up straight away if she doesn't come around. It really depends on what she and your friendship is like I guess.
I hope your talk goes well.
poster:littleone
thread:726973
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070119/msgs/727631.html