Posted by youngaddict on January 26, 2007, at 13:52:01
In reply to Re: canceled my T apt...why do i do this to myself?, posted by happykat on January 25, 2007, at 12:59:05
> Hi youngaddict,
>
> I test my t alot too and she has failed frequently. One thing that has helped me that Muffled mentioned too is writing it out for your t. I started writing a couple of pages of notes that I hand my t every week. When I'm really angry at her and can't say it, I bury it somewhere in my notes and she always finds it and we talk about it.
>****how did you first mention this to her? I have been debating this but I feel she will think I am being childish or babyish and immature.. even though I tell her I write stuff down. she also knows i have problems with talking about stuff and she once mentioned we should talk about it some more and then we didn't.. i think she forgot--it was something i needed her to bring up.
> I tend to read things into every word she says or gesture she makes and as I've started communicating with her more I realize that I misread her all the time. It's really important to find a way to communicate what it is you need from her. I think writing is the easiest. You could even write out your feelings about trying to deal with addiction. It may give her a better perspective of what you're going through. Do you like to write? Do you keep a journal?**I do write stuff down occasionally. mostly after I started coming on here and heard that suggestion.. I havebought a notebook and I write in it. Last night I was on a plane and I wrote ten pages about how awful my life is and contemplating suicide and plannning my funeral.. it was awful, i was bawling on the plane. and right then i though, i shouid mail this to her, i don't think she knows exactly how awful and depressed i really feel....
I just left her a message telling her I was not doing well and needed to come in next week for sure because i was sitting on the plane last night planning my funeral, but that i wasn't planning on doing anythign.. god i hope she doesnt' commit me for saying that, can she??
>
> It's hard when you're trying to work through addiction issues. It's really important that you have someone who understands and knows how to handle those issues. Does your t have any experience with addiction? 12 Step programs are also great to do in conjunction with therapy. It helps to be around others going through the same.**I did try 12 step for 28 days and i didn't find what i was looking for, i am not sure what i was looking for, but at that moment in time i was not feeling the whole na thing. i wish i did.
>
> If you really don't want to go back I would at the very least write out how you honestly feel about therapy, fighting your addiction, needing your t to be there for you, etc.. and go to one more session and give it to her.
>**I am going to go to at least one more and give her what i wrote.
> The last time I tried to quit therapy I did that and she read what I wrote and she understood me for the first time. You got to let them know whats going on in your head. That's the only way they can truly help.
>
> I wish you lots of luck. Hang in there.
>
> Regards,
> happykat**thank you so much happykat, this is what i need, advice from others who understand exactly how i feel. its so hard sometimes... but being on here makes it better.
>
poster:youngaddict
thread:726127
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070119/msgs/726749.html