Posted by muffled on January 24, 2007, at 23:57:30
In reply to canceled my T apt...why do i do this to myself?, posted by youngaddict on January 24, 2007, at 19:26:14
> i have been really upset with my t recently, probably because i am expecting too much of her.. i know that. i debated canceling this weeks apt and i had to give her 24 hours notice or i get charged 75 dollars. which i have done before...and so i waited until two hours before the apt and canceled for today and friday. and t hasn't called me, which might have been one reason i did that.. i wanted to test her to see her loyalty to me, see if she cared and she doesn't beecause she hasn't called. another reason is that i just don't feel like going back because i am not following her directions at getting clean and being able to work on my problems... am i making any sense?
>
> please give me your opinions on what i should do.,.
>
> youngaddict.. AKA sue(((Sue)))
I hate it when T's fail our tests. My T had terrible phone manners as far as I was concerned. And to some extent she did, but to some extent, some of it was 'testing', some of it was just trying to get her to connect w/me.
I think she may not have understood the importance to me. In fact I really don't think she did. And I finally kinda offhand 'sorta' mentioned it in some of my writings to her. And finally, eventually, she started to clue in. It all would have happened alot faster if I was just straight w/her!!! But thats just something I not always good at.
So if I had this to do w/my T all over again, I would be more clear in my writings bout how her behaviours affected me. Cuz i think that would have helped things progress more quickly.
I have done exactly what you have done, cancelled by message machine, another time in person on the phone, another coupla times just not shown up and I waited for her call, another time stormed out of her office in distress(I thot she'd call, but she didn't :(......
So I think your pretty normal in that way. As normal as ME anyways!!!LOL!! Perhaps thats not saying much!
Addiction is crazymaking. I have not been to the 'substance use board', I think that means substance abuse really? I dunno if you might find some useful tips there as far as getting off the weed.
I thin k mebbe you have a valid point, and I admire your honesty greatly, bout your using affecting T. I DO think thats an issue. Does your T have any training/experience w/addictions?
I guess the other thing I might ask is how bad do you REALLY truly want to get away from using? You have to want it SO bad. Or you gonna keep going back.
There are alot of facets of how addictions work, so mebbe for now you could work more addiction related therapy as opposed to personal T if that makes sense?
It helped me alot when I learned how addiction works and the mental tricks I was playing on myself.
Addiction is HUGE, VERY, VERY, powerful. But it CAN be beaten. I am living proof, and I was SO addicted, and really, still am, I just am not using is all.
So I think you make total sense. I also think very honestly you have what it takes to kick that stuff. Its just a matter of when you are ready, and mebbe getting some training bout it. Coping mechanisms to get by cravings and recognizing and staying away from things that trigger you to want to use etc etc.
Take care,
Muffled
poster:muffled
thread:726127
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070119/msgs/726203.html