Posted by youngaddict on January 26, 2007, at 13:43:30
In reply to Re: canceled my T apt...why do i do this to myself? » youngaddict, posted by muffled on January 24, 2007, at 23:57:30
> (((Sue)))
> I hate it when T's fail our tests. My T had terrible phone manners as far as I was concerned. And to some extent she did, but to some extent, some of it was 'testing', some of it was just trying to get her to connect w/me.*** My T keeps very clear boundries for our relationship in terms of i know nothing about her other than what i learned from the internet... nothing. however, she does say to me that she cares about me and she is here to help me get better.. but then last time she said she couldn't cure me which i guess she realized i was kind of searching for someone to do....
she called me and left me a pretty professional message about how she was calling back to reschedule, but it was on speaker phone so i felt like she didn't even have the decency to call me regulary, like she was too busy doing other stuff....little things like that really annoy me.
> I think she may not have understood the importance to me. In fact I really don't think she did. And I finally kinda offhand 'sorta' mentioned it in some of my writings to her. And finally, eventually, she started to clue in. It all would have happened alot faster if I was just straight w/her!!! But thats just something I not always good at.** I really should try to start writing things downm, although I am unsure of how she would react. I have a feeling she wouldn't be happy because that would be like a step back in therapy, having to write stuff down because i am a wimp? i don't know.. i should mention it.
> So if I had this to do w/my T all over again, I would be more clear in my writings bout how her behaviours affected me. Cuz i think that would have helped things progress more quickly.**you are totally right...
> I have done exactly what you have done, cancelled by message machine, another time in person on the phone, another coupla times just not shown up and I waited for her call, another time stormed out of her office in distress(I thot she'd call, but she didn't :(......** They can be such bas&^rds.,.haha...
> So I think your pretty normal in that way. As normal as ME anyways!!!LOL!! Perhaps thats not saying much!**AWW..
> Addiction is crazymaking. I have not been to the 'substance use board', I think that means substance abuse really? I dunno if you might find some useful tips there as far as getting off the weed.** I have posted there but a lot of people post there about the medication they are on and stuff.. nothing really too helpful like this board. I love this board...
> I thin k mebbe you have a valid point, and I admire your honesty greatly, bout your using affecting T. I DO think thats an issue. Does your T have any training/experience w/addictions?** She does, and she has been talking to me about NA for months and I tried it but didn't really put my all into it. Shes very knowledgable about the program.. I was clean for 28 days and then I just relapsed..
> I guess the other thing I might ask is how bad do you REALLY truly want to get away from using? You have to want it SO bad. Or you gonna keep going back.
** I know. right now i guess i don't want it badly enough.
> There are alot of facets of how addictions work, so mebbe for now you could work more addiction related therapy as opposed to personal T if that makes sense?** we have been doing that but then i get so mad because i want to know why i am an addict, what reason i have etc.. and my t wants me to just forget that and work on getting clean first,
> It helped me alot when I learned how addiction works and the mental tricks I was playing on myself.
> Addiction is HUGE, VERY, VERY, powerful. But it CAN be beaten. I am living proof, and I was SO addicted, and really, still am, I just am not using is all.
**did you go to NA?
> So I think you make total sense. I also think very honestly you have what it takes to kick that stuff. Its just a matter of when you are ready, and mebbe getting some training bout it. Coping mechanisms to get by cravings and recognizing and staying away from things that trigger you to want to use etc etc.
> Take care,
> Muffled**muffled you are awesome,. whenever i post here i look forward to your honest replies to my posts.. they are always very helpful..
thank you so much.
((((muffled))))
>
poster:youngaddict
thread:726127
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070119/msgs/726742.html