Posted by wishingstar on September 11, 2006, at 16:29:09
Well, today was my first day at the partial hospitalization program.
My T (Anne) called me at 8:30 in the morning (program starts at 9) to check in with me after she got my message. I really appreciate that. Shes usually sort of unresponsive, so her making an effort to call then was really nice.
Overall, I was really freaked out most of the morning. I felt like a deer in the headlights must feel. Scary. I know this will sound weird, but everyone there looked so normal. I felt like I'd crossed this line into completely crazy but THEY looked okay.. so maybe I am too? The jury is still out on that. There were only 4 others there.
We had general group in the morning. I didnt realize until then how long its been since I've really communicated with people. I barely remembered how. It felt so foreign. Then later on, we had a group about the medical causes of stress and how to take care of yourself, and then another about sleep hygeine. Then lunch, and a group about recovery. I missed most of that one because I got pulled out by the psychaitric nurse. She was wonderful. She actually had me laughing - truly laughing - and thats pretty unusual here lately. She was very sweet. Because I've had bad experiences with so many meds, she decided not to perscribe anything until she talks to the actual psychiatrist tomorrow or Wed. But she did give me a few samples of seroquel. I've never had an anxiety problem before, but this whole experience is really freaking me out. So I'll probably take some tonight and see how it affects me. Then we had one more general group at the end of the day.
We were trying to describe to each other and to the T how depression and suicidal thinking REALLY feels.. and it was so amazing. These people GET it. They feel exactly how I feel. I've done group before, but somehow this was different. I've never done a crisis-type group.They really focused a lot today on how mental illness of any type is a medical problem. The underlying message was "it's not your fault". I tend to blame myself a whole lot.
Afterwards, I ran into Anne at the health food store. She had her kids with her again. We talked for a minute and she had me write a release so she can talk to Laurie. Anne and Laurie talking.. potentially helpful but also potential disaster. I didnt have time to ask her what she was going to say to her.
I guess I dont have anything else to say. I just wanted to let you guys know what happened. Thank you all for your support this weekend.. really. It was an incredibly hard weekend and luckiy I'm in a much safer place right now. Thanks everyone.
poster:wishingstar
thread:685077
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060911/msgs/685077.html