Posted by Racer on July 7, 2006, at 16:02:07
In reply to Re: child abuse - *warning* giving up?, posted by Tamar on July 7, 2006, at 15:30:56
There is hope, and it's likely that you will get there. You've already won the biggest, hardest battle: you've gotten into therapy with a T you trust who's being very supportive of you as you are. Trust me -- took me several years to get to the "T I trust" part.
As for *how* to get there, that's always individual. How you get there will be different from how I get there. But we'll both get there.
In my case, one thing that helped was to talk about how I felt about not being able to talk about it. Also, talking about what was keeping me from talking about it. So, that might be worth a try for you, too.
Or just talking about how hard it is to separate the abusive father from the loving father? I'm assuming there were some good points to him, and forgive me if I'm wrong. If I am wrong, substitute "separate the abusive father from the father you were supposed to love and respect."
For me, one thing that became a problem was -- and, frankly, continues to be -- separating what my mother did from my feelings for her. I'm very protective of her, and I'm still -- in middle age -- trying to win her love. (Uh... Bad news, Racer...) With that, and my guilt and panic about feeling anything negative about her, it's hard to talk about how much I was hurt and how much anger I have inside me over it. (I'm not even aware, I don't think, of how much anger there is. My T tells me she can feel a lot of anger, but I'm only just aware of it. There's too much fear and guilt in the way.)
Anyway, that's starting my tear factory, so I'll stop now...
poster:Racer
thread:664899
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060703/msgs/664934.html