Posted by happyflower on June 16, 2006, at 18:02:51
In reply to Re: can professionals keep this a secret? » happyflower, posted by ElaineM on June 16, 2006, at 16:59:11
Still, on the days that nothing happens, and he doesn't ask to hold me or touch me, or say romantic things, I feel really really bad. And all I think about is what I did differently and how I can act better for next session. I wonder if I wore something that made me look uglier. I worry that the day had come when he finally realized what a horrible patient I am, and can't take me anymore. Then when he offers me invitations or presents I feel 10% good and thankful, but 90% slutty.
Okay for me this worries me. First of all you can never be a horriable patient. If you are thinking that your actions of being a patient is the reason he is "hot, cold" with his actions, well this worries me. You should just be you no matter what, and doing therapy shouldn't be about if he or does or does not respond to you like this. If he was truely helping you as a therapist, he would allow you to become self confident about yourself in a way that doesn't have anything to do with him touching you.
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> I even feel guilty asking for help because part of me does still enjoy it, because he is important and special and a better person than me.You shouldn't feel guilty for needing help, you are PAYING for it. This is his job, to help you become the best you can be.
Whenever I'm getting upset about what could come next, I just say to myself that I should be honored that he could pick me. He could do so much better than me.
This really worries me that it seems like you feel that you are so much inferior to him. I am also worried about is that do you think he has truely picked you ? Do you think he might be doing this with other clients too?
I am really worried about you. Your confidence is very low and it seems like your self worth is so tied into how he responds to you (in unethical ways).
I have been with my T for more than 1 1/2 years, yes there is mutual attraction, but he has never done the things you have talked about. Plus I don't believe I am inferier to him in any way. If you were confident, and living your life in a big way,being mentally healthy, I wouldn't worry so much about you being with your therapist. But it seems to me he is taking advantage of you in a big way. He might seem very charming, and gentle, but you know what, my mothered seemed the same way and she was a monster. I kinda of wonder if he has a personality disorder. I really urge you to talk to another therpist about this.
I also think your gut instinct is also telling you something is wrong, because you are writing her about it and you want to talk to your doctor about it.
My posts about my T and how I feel have been on this board for over a year now. But if he ever did the things your T has during therapy, I would think very ill of him and not respect him at all. I have a different view AFTER therapy. Please take care of yourself. I know it is hard to hear this stuff, but really everyone is concerned about you and don't want to see you get hurt even more.
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poster:happyflower
thread:657557
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060615/msgs/657747.html