Posted by orchid on June 16, 2006, at 20:45:39
In reply to Re: can professionals keep this a secret? » Tamar, posted by ElaineM on June 16, 2006, at 19:50:47
> Tamar: Sorry, I responded to the "knowing my history" stuff in a post above. The main reason I feel slutty is because he is much, much older than me. And his children are my age. I think the gap is what makes me feel a bit weird. But he says I'm old on the inside. And I think that was nice to say. I thought it was a compliment. Was it not?
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> And I say slutty because I see myself as a tease. I both hate and like stuff that goes on in sessions. If I was normal, it wouldn't be both at once. And I feel trashy cause I do let him touch me when I don't really want it. (Sometimes I flinch when he gets up from his chair, and I feel so embarassed and guilty for it, and I hope he didn't notice it) Even stupid things are making me too nervous, like when a hug lasts too long. Once I flinched when he went to only touch my face. But this is all part of the closeness I was wanting so much in the beginning. I don't understand why I'm getting cold feet now. I wonder if things feel strange cause I haven't had someone touch me nicely in a long time, so I can't even recognize regular male/female contact.
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> I'm too humiliated and afraid to say everything that's been said, or done between us, but I honestly haven't had sex with him, or kissed him yet. I haven't. I always think I'm a slut anyways. If I smile at someone who holds the elevator door for me then I think I was slutty.
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> It's hard for me to post here. I've been testing out this board, and this topic before, and it has taken me a long time to lose enough of my fear about my T reading this, to post everything I have. I'm still paranoid that he'll read this.
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> I do want to say that I'm not discounting everything you guys say. I do hear it all. It is just hard stuff to hear. Harder still to fully believe. And hardest to act on. I'm sorry though if I frustrate everyone.
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> ElI have to agree with others here. He isn't good. Please take care of yourself by seeking someone else.
It would have been so admirable if he had been open to you about his attraction perhaps, and then decided to let you see someone else, or continued to work with you on improving you, but I think he is kind of manipulative, and is playing with your emotions. So it is better to avoid it.
poster:orchid
thread:657557
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060615/msgs/657817.html