Posted by Tamar on June 12, 2006, at 13:26:12
In reply to Re: Got in a fight with my Shadow (TRIGGER) » Tamar, posted by Dinah on June 11, 2006, at 9:15:05
Thanks Dinah.
> I am so sorry. Would it help to talk here about what happens to upset you? It might serve to reduce the tension that leads to self injury.
I think I really should do that. I need to stop cutting myself.
> I know that for me, part of the reason I SI is so that people will see and feel my distress. So I can't pretend that everything is ok and go about my business normally. Because I'm angry at life for continuing to go on without acknowledging my pain. Because I'm angry that people expect too much of me, and don't understand that I just can't perform as expected. Perhaps your Shadow wants acknowledgement.
Yes, exactly. I want it to be visible. And in fact it doesn’t help, because as soon as my husband saw it he said he couldn’t cope with me any more.
> That's why I suggested you talk about your pain here. Bringing the pain into the light is sometimes helpful to me in that way.
>
> My last injury was pretty obvious. And while part of me was mortified, part of me wanted it seen so that I could get some help. I even deliberately made it visible when I thought I was with someone who could get that help for me. But only one person I came across mentioned it at all or asked for an explanation. I kept it brief and cryptic and truthful, with a tone of not wishing to discuss it, and she dropped it.That’s really interesting. I guess lots of people just don’t notice what might make them uncomfortable. And in fact, after all my worry, no one even noticed today. Ha ha!
> But Tamar, based on my own experience only and no professional experience at all, it may be best not to explain away the cuts to those who can help you. Your husband, your therapist, and anyone else with the power to help should know what pain you're in so that the Shadow doesn't continue to up the ante. And better yet if you can bring yourself to not pretend everything's ok even without hurting yourself (visibly or not).
That’s very true… although at the moment my husband and my therapist are part of the problem! My husband doesn’t see my pain but when I remind him he tries to deny it; my therapist can see it but isn’t particularly interested…
> I don't recall how old your children are? For very young children "Mommy cut herself." might suffice as it's sort of the thing they'd say. If they're older it might be more troublesome.
The eldest is six. And you’re right; they don’t really need to be told much. It’s amazing how much weirdness they’ll accept at that age…
> ((((Tamar)))))
>
> How can I help?You did help! Thanks for responding, and for the hugs. Here are some for you (((((Dinah)))))
poster:Tamar
thread:655445
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060604/msgs/655961.html