Posted by wishingstar on June 8, 2006, at 23:14:58
In reply to Re: acting out big time (sex trigger), posted by inimitable on June 8, 2006, at 21:51:13
wow, it sounds like we are quite a bit alike. I somehow missed your other post before, but I just read it. I can definitely picture myself acting in the exact same way. Even though I dont really enjoy sex, there is some draw to promisciousity (I guess) that I cant explain. Like you, I'd never act on it.. I'm too much of a "good girl" for that as well. Always have been. I noticed what you wrote about a person jumping out of the closet and raping you or something, and it was so odd to me.. not the thought.. but that I have thought very similar things from time to time. In reality, I NEVER want that to happen to me of course.. but I dont know. I know where you're coming from, I think.. but I dont have any explanation for it either.
I know for me there is some degree of "I have to be sick/acting out/in major crisis/etc to be worthy of getting anyones help or attention". I'm not sure if that relates to this particular issue or not though.
My family was not touchy feely either. My mother smokes big amounts of marijuana and is very emotionally detached, and I believe my father is bipolar, so I never connected with him. Again, like you, I have a history of SI to cope. I'm mostly past that now, but I still fight the thoughts occasionally.
Do you talk about these sexual issues with your T? I told her last week about the prostitution thing, and also how I can only stay mentally involved with sexual activity for 5-10 minutes before I seperate myself from it.. she's very good with the topic, but it still makes me feel so uncomfortable. What has your experience been like with that?
Are we twins seperated at birth? :) If you'd like to talk about any of the sexual stuff (or anything else) further and dont want to post it all, send me a babblemail. I know I dont have any answers or explanations, but it sounds like we're coming from a pretty similar place.
poster:wishingstar
thread:653771
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060604/msgs/654699.html