Posted by wishingstar on June 8, 2006, at 14:36:57
In reply to Re: acting out big time (sex trigger) » wishingstar, posted by B2chica on June 7, 2006, at 8:27:47
Believe it or not, I'm actually not an impulsive person at all. Odd, huh? In fact, I'm probably the exact opposite in most areas of my life. However, I do have a history of SI and spending too much money when I feel down, so I guess maybe it's not true to say that I'm not impulsive. The only diagnosis I've received has been depression, but after reading several books and talking to others about borderline, I really believe that may be the correct diagnosis. Each book on it seems to speak directly to me. I'm afraid to mention that to my T though because I dont know how she'd react.
You're very right about me being removed from my feelings. Connecting with them is my biggest issue in therapy, and unfortunately my T is more of a "wait until you're ready" then a "push you to talk deeper" person, so it's going very slowly. I'm generally very aware of all the consequences of what I do (and dont) do, but I often just cant bring myself to care with most things. However, something like selling my body is big enough that I'm letting the rational side take over. In fact, I really hate sex. Always have. Dont really like to be touched in any way that is remotely sexual. That'd make prostitution an odd choice, huh? Not really, I guess. There are obviously other factors. I guess part of me just wants to do it because I can.
I may try to talk to my T about it again on Tuesday, but it's my last appointment for 2 months, so we may not get to it. I think she heard me, but I think I overemphasized the "I'm not going to do it!" point and made it seem like I really wasnt as serious as I am. I guess I need to bring it up again.
Thank you for your support.. all the positive responses from people here helps so much.
poster:wishingstar
thread:653771
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060604/msgs/654537.html