Posted by Tamar on December 11, 2005, at 16:15:10
In reply to Re: more about therapistsTRIGGER/talk of t » Tamar, posted by allisonross on December 11, 2005, at 15:18:49
> I couldn't help myself. As I call "her" my evil twin; I told my t that it was Francesca (my evil twin) that made me so naughty.
I was quite surprised that I could restrain myself! I never have before… Why do you call your ‘evil twin’ Francesca?
> I always feel better when I can joke. Life can be so tragic, painful and serious. I NEED to joke, to live.
So perhaps joking about your therapist brings you some relief from the seriousness and pain of doing therapy with a man who won’t put out… Perhaps it’s a coping strategy. Could it be something more?
So many other people here have said they feel the therapeutic relationship is too serious or sacred to joke about; the very idea makes them uncomfortable. Why do you think it’s different for us? Is it just a difference in personality? Or is there something more to it?
> > Sometimes I wonder – and of course I may be totally off the mark – if perhaps you’re a little annoyed at your therapist for being able to resist you.
>
> LOL---well, he is struggling with it (his words).I wish my therapist had told me something like that. I sometimes imagined that the safety was only real if it was a struggle for him. If he’d been safe to me only because he was gay or I was unattractive or something like that, it wouldn’t have meant as much to me. The idea that he could be sexually interested in me and still be able to keep control of himself was very important to me. (I wish I’d talked about it with him.)
> I did mention in another post (don't know to who, I am worn out now), that he had hurt me and I have been angry, and written poetry about it, and shared it also, with my friends.
Ah. I’m not sure if I saw that one. I go through phases when I read every post and other phases when I hardly read at all… it depends what else is going on.
> Of course it does. Unfortunately, it just isn't my stuff...if it were, I would just tell myself to deal with it. To play with another's emotions is cruelty, and he does the push-me-pull me thing; come here, go away; I must be professional, etc.....
Well, even if you just tell yourself to deal with it, it doesn’t mean you can just deal with it! Sometimes it’s harder than that.> I hear ya! Unrequited love is excruciating, because there is not a thing you can do about it. My t told me about an unrequited love he had, and said he grew to "hate her." He knows how I feel. I have told him verbally, and in poetry. There isn't a shadow of a doubt.
Do you think you could come to hate him? Does *he* think you could come to hate him? If he’s afraid of that possibility it might explain some of his push-pull behaviour.
> He also said: "You want me....to want you." Didn't have the guts to say: "Do you?" Point is, I know he does.
I know that it’s extremely important to me to be wanted. Maybe you too? I have to say, I don’t mind the idea that I can’t be together with my therapist, but the idea that he might not want me is much worse.
> This evening I intend to ask him the precipice question: Do you feel you are on a precipice? What is that like for you?...you feel that WORDS could push you over, etc....scary, but I want to know, since HE brought it up.
I hope you do ask him, because I think he needs to explain it!
> Oh, I am angry. When he does something I don't like, or says something, etc....I let him know it.he will say: "Is this going to be painful?" LOL---because there was an incident where I let him have it (in a nice way, LOL)
I think I might be angry in your situation. I can imagine you might be angry that he’s not prepared to give you more than flirtatious words, however good those words might feel at the time.
I’m sure you’ve heard the theory that when people have experienced many abusive relationships they sometimes try to repeat those relationships in therapy. So it’s especially important that he can control himself.
I wonder if joking about him here feels safer to you than joking with him in therapy. I wonder if you’re a little afraid that he really might go too far. What do you think?
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:587729
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051210/msgs/588120.html