Posted by Tamar on December 11, 2005, at 14:24:28
In reply to Re: OK, here's my problem... » Tamar, posted by fallsfall on December 10, 2005, at 18:15:43
Hi Falls,
> But now that we are in agreement, where does that leave an individual patient? I would love to say that all therapists are trustworthy (and I do believe that almost all of them are). I would love to say that therapists will never take advantage of the trust that patients put in them. But I know that this isn't true all of the time. So how do we protect ourselves while being completely vulnerable and honest? This is the dilemma.
I know what you mean. In a way it’s the same question all women might ask themselves about all men. We know that most men are trustworthy, but how do we protect ourselves from the few who aren’t? How do we know which men are dangerous before it’s too late?
I suspect there are many different answers to this question. Some people might say that having a positive attitude and learning self defence could help. Others might argue that there is nothing we can do (and therefore we trust none of them, or we trust all of them and hope things will be OK).
I imagine that the most important factor is education. If women know what the risks are, I think they are likely to be safer. I suspect that many women have no idea before they start therapy that a relationship with the therapist is likely to be very damaging. (Just like I had no idea before I was raped that most women who are raped know their attackers.)
> Ally's therapist has said that they can have whatever feelings they have, and that it is safe as long as they don't act on them. It is the therapist's job to make sure that neither acts on those feelings. But it *IS* the patient's job to watch out for herself, as well.
I still disagree with your last sentence. It seems as if you’re saying the client has to take some responsibility for her safety in therapy, and I don’t think she should. I suppose I might say that a prudent client might want to watch out for herself. But she shouldn’t have to.
> I guess that what I hope that Babble can do is to give patients enough perspective to be able to observe what is going on in therapy and know what the warning signs are. And to give them encouragement to protect themselves if the therapist is *NOT* doing his job - i.e. if the therapist starts acting instead of talking. But, that said, they can hurt us without touching us, can't they?
Yes… education. And I agree: they can hurt us without touching us.
> Please understand that I tell my therapist everything (well, even for me that isn't true). This is very complicated. I guess that I think that each of us need to be our own last defense. And the trick of therapy is to push that and trust a little more and narrow that last defense to the minimum that it can be. But I don't think you can ever let that last defense go. Some people have mile wide defenses, some have inch wide defenses. I guess it is important to figure out where you are on that spectrum, and try to narrow your defenses a little more.
Interesting way of putting it. I feel as if I’d like to lose all my defences in therapy. Maybe because that’s what my issues are about. I was amazed at how safe I felt with my therapist; I knew with what felt like 100% confidence that he would never sexually exploit me. But I was unable to trust him with my love.
> So, Tamar, you bring up such an interesting point. How CAN we protect ourselves from unscrupulous therapists, and still be honest in therapy? I don't know the answer.I think you answered already. And babble really can help with that: helping women find perspective on their own therapies. But sometimes we’re still faced with the problem that our subconscious wants something that we know could be harmful…
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:587729
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051210/msgs/588074.html