Posted by allisonross on December 11, 2005, at 9:37:30
In reply to what we have said about our therapists..., posted by Pfinstegg on December 11, 2005, at 9:15:11
> There is such a lot of feeling, intelligence and thoughtfulness in this thread.
Thankyou, sweetie! You have a lovely way with words...a rare thing.
I'm not going to try to cover all of it, (I couldn't), but someone mentioned the threads about two years ago- I think it was called the "Perfect Therapists Club" I was one of the people who contributed to that. We all talked a lot about our therapists' looks, their clothing, what they said etc.
That must have been fun!
I was newly in therapy at the time, and had a very intense loving transference towards him. It was coupled with complete respect for both him, and our therapeutic relationship. That part- the really important part- didn't get mentioned too much, I guess. I think I was so thrilled and bowled over by the possibilities for healing and growth in this wonderful new relationship that it felt safer and less overwhelming to have fun about things like argyle socks. I knew he would never take advantage of me, or hurt me. I thought the whole thread was a way of having fun about the little things- thus preserving in our hearts the essential wonder of the therapeutic relationship.
Beautifully said.
>
> Apparently, some of the threads came across as belittling that relationship,That confused me. I said nothing belittling. I mentioned a question my t asked me, and said my answer. Then said I was (hate repeating, sorry) going to get a green light bulb.
or as indicating that boundary violations might occur. These were not on my mind, at all, and would not be possible with my analyst. I think I was trying to find a light-hearted way to say how wonderful it was.
>
> With your post, Ally, I sensed some of the same things- your delight in the relationship- and it's healing possibilities. I will admit that i worried a little that the relationship was becoming sexualized (that's OK and normal), but was not being looked at carefully so that the two of you could work it through.Oh, I have been looking at it for a very long time.
That the enactment and sexualizing were becoming ends in themselves, rather than way stations towards growth and a full independent life for you.
I've always dealt with my own stuff by myself, and for the first time in my life; he came along at the precise moment I needed, and journeyed with me on the church debacle. As he said: "You did all of the work, I was journeying with you."
i don't know if this is true, of course- it's just what crossed my mind occasionally.
>
> As others have said, it's extremely painful to fall in love with one's therapist,Extremely.
and then have to "work it through", with all the loss that that implies. You seem to want to leave the board rather than hear that that is what other posters think will lead to true healing for you.
I don't really want to leave the board, I just want to keep myself safe from any more criticism. It would be like sticking your hand on a hot stove over and over, hoping it wouldn't hurt.
It would be a shame to leave for that reason. I think you will find that others (me!) will delight in hearing about your therapeutic relationship, as long as they also hear about your awareness of the necessity of maintaining good boundaries,
Oh, I am aware of that.
You have hinted that your therapist may not have always maintained good boundaries, but have indicated that it's not a topic you want to talk about here. Maybe it would really help if you did.
I will think about it. As I said I understand what is going on and that it is hurtful to me (I've written tons of poems about that pain). The bottom line is that I am not ready to leave. I know no one can help me with this.
Just as no one could help me in my decision to get a divorce. I had to do it myself.
Thank you again, for your sweetness, kindness and lovely words!
Smiling, Alice
poster:allisonross
thread:587729
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051210/msgs/588000.html