Posted by orchid on November 12, 2005, at 0:33:03
In reply to Re: It almost feels like my duty » orchid, posted by Tamar on November 11, 2005, at 16:03:15
Thanks Tamar. You remember once I told you about always feeling restless? I think it is also perhaps part of this.
I have decided to not to let it allow any further. IT has gone on long enough. And it has confused me as much as possible. I am going to say no to my father. When you are abused as a kid, I think it is very hard to define your boundaries and draw the line and enforce it.
I wish I had my second T now to talk through it. She would know what to say. I didn't write down whatever she said, which is a big mistake. I have all the suggestions from my first T written down, but not my second Ts. In fact, she anticipated this and tried to even prepare me for this. I have been trying to recollect whatever she told me.
Perhaps the reason why I didn't stop it after I was an adult is also partly becuase of the fact that I never was at home all the time. I was away from home from 16 and only visited on the holidays. And I suppose I didn't want to spoil my holidays by arguing about it and even then, I think it would have been very hard to stand up against my father. I have extreme dependancy issues with him and am terribly afraid of him. And I love him at the same time.
I can't get hold of the books you have suggested.
I wish I had someone to talk about it. But I don't have any way of doing it here. I can perhaps look for a new T, but I will be travelling back and forth between my house and my in laws house frequently, and I will also be gone week after next for a month for some treatment for my arthritis. So getting to a new T is not workable for the next few months atleast.
poster:orchid
thread:577289
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051107/msgs/577945.html