Posted by happyflower on October 21, 2005, at 14:25:15
Okay, my thoughts are going a little wacky right now become I am confused by my therapist and this post it long, please stick with me, okay. He wants to come to one of my concerts. At first I was flattered, I thought he must really like me or is proud of me.
On a earlier session, several months ago, he has told me I am no more special than any other client, and he will treat me the same, and that I am not very special to him and he doesn't want to be very special to me. Okay, I already knew that, I am not his wife or child, or mother. Duh! I even said to him I know he doesn't really care about me, I am just a number 2000 of the clients he has had. I don't think he liked that comment, but he said well I am still going to treat you like client 2000 and he isn't going to respond to me saying that he doesn't care about me.
Well after this session we ran into each other at the gym, and things became more friendly between us during out sessions. He started to disclose a lot to me about his interestes, which are almost just like mine. We have tons in common, really. Sessions started to run over, when normally he ends the sessions right on time. We would still end the therapy part while we were making my next appointment, then we would chat about our interestes into his lunch hour, maybe 25 min. past my session time. There always seemed to be an end to therapy and then the chatting would happen. I really enjoy talking to him, we really do enjoy each others company, I enjoyed the fact he just wanted to talk to me, just to talk to me, not just for therapy or because I am paying him to listen and talk to me.
Okay, are you still with me? LOL Well now he wants to come to my concert because he likes music and is interested learning more about jazz or classical. Which is cool, but there are tons of better groups he could go and hear. I have told him this, and I say I just don't know why you want to come anyways. If he is going to see me, which I assume that is the reason, why won't he just tell me? He has had a big part of me playing again, and I can see he is proud of me, but why can't be just tell me that? Is it because if he tells me he is going to see me, that would make me think I am very special to him? If he likes me, why don't he just say so, and if he wants to see me play, why not just tell me. It is leaving me confused. I was feeling good about this but now it has left me confused. I guess deep down, I want to matter to him. Any advice ? What do you think is going on in his mind? Is he just trying to mess with my head or his his head messed up? LOL
When he first asked me about coming, I said, "OMG" Then he quickly said, "oh is that too weird". I said no, if he wants to come that is okay with me. Then I asked him WHY he wants to come. Then he turns pink and looks down and says "well I like music too." I hate to be so hard on him, but I feel like he isn't being totally upfront with me. I don't think he is lying, but he isn't telling me everything and it is driving me nuts. Is he trying to protect me or something? I hope someone can make some sense out of all this. Thanks, for reading this, if you made it to the end of my longest post ever! :)
poster:happyflower
thread:569871
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051018/msgs/569871.html