Posted by happyflower on October 3, 2005, at 22:23:36
In reply to Re: Next topic for therapy-My abusive life cycle » happyflower, posted by orchid on October 3, 2005, at 19:39:22
Hi Orchid, I see what you are saying and it makes a lot of sense, but there are parts I haven't shared on the boards.
I have been married for 12 years and thought I was happy. But I stopped living and wrapped my life around my DH and kids. I stopped doing the things that I love to do, everything revolved around my DH. I was the "perfect" wife, did everything that I thought was expected. My DH didn't like my friends, didn't like me doing things without him. So eventually I became issolated from everything and everyone who was important to me before marriage.
I guess I am just realizing that I haven't been living fully. Now I am involved with people, music, gardening, etc., my DH does feel threatened because he isn't the center of my life, I am. I am more than a wife and mother, I have a right to do things that make me happy. Therapy has helped me become myself again after 15 years. I feel really good about what I am doing. My DH refuses to share in my interestes like I have done for him. I just want to go on a walk with him, but just isn't interested.He was on a oversees business trip back in Feb., and this friend of his, came on to him at his hotel room door. He was been very good friends with her, but she wanted more, and it left him confused. She is very pretty, smart, and I can see why he likes her. He won't talk to me about this and it is like it is hanging over my head if he is going to stay with me. This has been like this since Feb. He just won't open up to me. This hurts very deeply knowing my DH is in love with somebody else.
Now my DH is very supportive when it comes to dealing with my mother, but we were having problems before I started therapy. But they were overlooked due to my bigger problems with my mother. We have always been open with each other, but since this other women, he has closed down to me emotionally and physically. I just want my DH to be the guy I married who wanted me. I have only had sex like twice since Feb., I try but he isn't attracted to me I guess, he turns me down. I have stopped trying because I can only take so much rejection.
I have been doing great since I have started therapy, I exercise everyday, practice the trumpet, play in 2 bands, getting my master in gardening, and becoming more social in general. My kids are doing great with their studies ( I Homeschool)and I even play with the dog now. My T is very happy for my progress, and he is helping me with my marriage problems. But I can't work on my marriage alone, he has to want to make it better too. My T says he things my wife skills are just fine, he thinks it is my DH that is going through something. But this something started before I started therapy.
Yes I do like my T , we have a lot in common, and I enjoy talking with him. He has helped me become a person again, so I don't know why he can't help me with my marriage too. He knows I am trying to get my DH to open up. My DH has shut himself down from my marriage. I am struggling with this, I am very hurt by him. My T knows I am working on my marriage and is trying to help me. My DH refuses to do marriage therapy. What am I suppose to do?
poster:happyflower
thread:562397
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051001/msgs/562564.html