Posted by gardenergirl on September 16, 2005, at 7:38:12
In reply to Re: projection and boredom, posted by fairywings on September 9, 2005, at 8:19:53
Hmmm, sometimes I let things percolate too long before returning to a thread. Sorry for delay in response. Here's my burned coffee offering... :)
> Or if some would think that if they're bored, "gee, this person sure is boring!" LOL
I would imagine that there are cases when the person is just sort of boring. But then, I think you could make a case that if they bore the T, then either they are not talking about something helpful to the therapy process, or maybe it's not a good match between client's problem and T's interest/experience?
>This one actually makes me feel like what I have to say is important, and goes over, which is his normal style.
That's great that you feel he is present, attentive, and interested. Makes a big difference, eh?
>
> So, did you take a risk and tell him your longings and that you were feeling rejected? That would sure feel like a leap to me!Not really, not at this session. We just talked about what happened, and how it fit with the experiences I had been talking about and that are painful for me. Although in the next session, or maybe there was one between, I don't know, I had a really awful time talking about anything. I just stumbled around, stopped a lot and just looked at him, and finally asked him what he wanted to talk about. :)
He suggested that maybe there was something "in the room between us" that I was avoiding. So I stumbled around that for another 10 or 20 minutes, all the time thinking, "run away! Run away!" I finally got out at the end that I was longing to be held. He was okay with that.
So then I bailed on my next session (easy to do since it doesn't cost me anything.) Very obvious that I was avoiding him. My session later in the week was all about my dream (thread lower down) and how I do long to be held, and maybe by him. Eek! It was really okay, though. No signs of freaking on his part. And when I said, "You know, I haven't gone so far as to try to imagine what it would be like if you hugged me." He said, "I think you just did." Cracks me up when he says stuff like, that.
> So did you and your T get that worked out gg? Is he back to being T, and you're back to being comfortable with him in the T role, and not the father/parent role? I sure would like a mom/dad, but I'm too old for that! ; )
I think that right now I still am projecting the good parent role onto him, and I don't think that's all that bad. It's what needs to happen right now for my process. In some ways, it leads to the corrective emotional experience, but in other ways, as has already happened, it becomes apparent that he is not the parent, and he's not even the "good parent" all the time, so when that shows up, it leads to processing the old hurts and learning in my heart that it didn't have to be that way, but it WAS that way, and that hurts. (I get hung up trying to 'splain this part, but I hope I'm making sense). I guess that if the junk from the past plays out again in the present (and believe me it does...that's a big part of neurosis), then it's important to be able to explore that in a safe place in order to begin to feel freed up from it and make different choices in real life. Or something like that. Or at least to enter into interactions with others with my eyes a bit more open and clear, and not hazed with the mists of past failings of my parents and my subsequent transference relationships. sigh
How's that for burnt coffee?
gg
poster:gardenergirl
thread:550320
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050912/msgs/555564.html