Posted by messadivoce on September 13, 2005, at 20:34:19
In reply to sending letter to ex-t --- good or bad idea?, posted by shrinking violet on September 13, 2005, at 13:27:27
SV, it's really good to see you again. I too have been lurking rather than posting, just because therapy seems to have been a season in my life that's over now, and I don't have much to say when people talk about therapy.
But your question is something I've lived through.
I had a situation not unlike yours. Attached to T and vice-versa, terrible termination, heartache and tears galore for a year afterward.
I terminated with him in May and wrote him a letter in January. I told him how horrible I had been feeling and how angry I was, how much I missed him, how much it hurt. I also asked that he take a little time to think before shooting back a reply.
The reply I got from him was nothing like the man I knew. Cool, detached, rational and businesslike. Not warm, fuzzy, comforting. It hurt, oh yes. But it made me realize that there is nothing there for me anymore. It forced me to understand that I could no longer look to him for support because that time was over.
It sounds like your termination was very hard for your T as well as you. If you were attracted to each other, writing a letter to her now might make her react in a irrational way. She may have trouble being impartial and logical, with the balance of compassion that good Ts have. Were she to proposition you now, it might feel good but it would probably be a terrible disaster for you later. I am convinced that once a client, always a client. You can never revert to being good friends and/or lovers. And finally, it would be very unethical for her to proposition you in the first place.
I would encourage you to get into therapy with your new T, and perhaps later down the road you both might decide together that writing a letter would be a good thing. Or maybe not so much.
Whatever you write, you have to be ready for ANY kind of reponse. Or none at all.
Hope I've helped.
Voce
poster:messadivoce
thread:554680
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050912/msgs/554813.html