Posted by jammerlich on September 13, 2005, at 18:19:19
In reply to sending letter to ex-t --- good or bad idea?, posted by shrinking violet on September 13, 2005, at 13:27:27
SV,
This probably isn't the kind of answer you were hoping for, but the best I have for you is this - I just flat don't know.
I don't know because I'm struggling with the same sort of thing. I've been working on a letter to mine for over 4 months and can't seem to get around to finishing it. Probably because I'm not sure I want to send it. My situation is a little different in that I MAY be able to see mine again, but there is no special connection that leads me to believe a personal relationship might be possible. I'm not trying to hijack your thread, but thought what's going through my head might help you along your way.
First, like I said, I feel like a door may be open there. I'm struggling over whether or not finding out for sure would be a good thing or not. Of course, the ideal situation would be for her to agree to see me again. That's what I want. But what if I find out the door is indeed closed? Can I handle that? I'm not sure if it would help me with closure or if it would simply be more pain. Maybe the dream in my head of getting to work with her again is better than knowing for a fact that I can't. If I don't send the letter, then the thing that's stopping that is me and not a rejection from her. Make any sense?
Second, I've got a motive here (seeing her again) that virtually prevents me from writing exactly what I'm feeling. What I want to say is, "part of me is very angry with you. I think you did a cruel thing. I am hurting and I'm not sure if I can trust you or anyone else ever again. It must be very convenient that you can terminate me by phone, never have to look the results of your actions in the face, and be able to call that therapeutic." Some of those things I'd like to try to work out with her if she agreed to see me and others I don't think I could ever say in person. But I can't say them in the letter and reasonably expect to see her again. So if I send the letter that fits my "agenda" and she says no, then have I lost the opportunity to express my true feelings? If she does say no and I then follow-up with a letter stating my true feelings, will it merely be considered retaliatory?
I'm not asking you to answer any of these questions. Just hoping that somehow my questions might lead you to your own answers.
(((((SV))))) I'm sorry you are going through this. If you feel anything like I do, it's like part of your very being has been torn away. I hope you find peace.
poster:jammerlich
thread:554680
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050912/msgs/554757.html