Posted by shrinking violet on September 13, 2005, at 13:27:27
Hi everyone,
I haven't been here in so long. It's been hard, reading posts since I left my T, so I haven't been around much. Sorry about that; I'm going to try to respond to some posts and offer whatever support I can. So many of you have been so supportive of me here when I needed it most.
Some of you may remember me and my situation. Others not. To paraphrase: I was seeing a T at my university where I am a grad student for almost two years. It was a hard relationship; I think she was too emotionally involved with me, and I was confused about our relationship, and I think now that it got in the way of the therapy. Unfortunately, we never discussed our relationship much either. I think if we had, maybe it would have turned out differently. I think now I should have told her that a client/T relationship wasn't working, but maybe we could try to keep each other in our lives in some way. Hindsight is 20/20, I guess.
Anyway, she terminated with me in May. I went there and all of a sudden she suggested we terminate in one or two sessions. I was surprised, hurt, etc. But again, we never discussed it. The last session was horrible; we both hid our emotions, and it was stiff and awkward.
I have since made an appt with a new T for next week. This new T was referred to me by my ex-T, and I know they are also colleagues and friends. I'm hoping that, since this new T knows my ex-T, it will be a bit easier talking to her about my ex-T and our relationship. I'm nervous about starting over again....I'm not even sure whether I want it to work out or not, but I'll go to the first session and take it from there.
Anyway, I've been thinking of writing my ex-T a letter, explaining everything to her. I need her to know how much she hurt me, and how our relationship was confusing to me, etc. I also think that we did have a unique and special connection that should have been explored outside of the therapeutic dynamic. There are so many things I want to tell her, but in a way I'm afraid to. I'm not sure why.....I need to do this for myself, for some closure with her, but maybe some part of me is hoping that it will open the door to another more personal relatinship with her? But I'm afraid that I'll be hurt again if that doesn't happen. Besides, it's like saying, 'ok you did xyz to me and hurt me terribly, now let's be friends.'
I know I should write the letter for myself, without any expectation, but it's hard. And I'm afraid of being hurt yet again.
For those of you who have written letters to a former T: did it help? did you regret it? did you receive any response and if so, what kind?
Any feedback, advice, etc, would be appreciated.
Thank you.
Peace to all,
SV
poster:shrinking violet
thread:554680
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050912/msgs/554680.html