Posted by Damos on September 13, 2005, at 0:32:51
In reply to Re: self-control » Damos, posted by alexandra_k on September 12, 2005, at 19:10:43
> Thats actually what my t said...
> Thats what got me thinking about that.
> And she thought it wasn't just about my dad...
> Its about everybody..
> Because when I was little..
> Nobody did a goddamned thing to help me.> Yeah, thats right. But I don't seem to be able to stop it... Last time I'd say 'I'm sorry - its not about you, I know its not your fault'. And I knew that and I meant that. But then I'd keep on. And have to say it again. And round and round I'd go. And I was just kind of screaming at myself to shut the hell up and stop it. But just kind of feeling like I was just observing myself going on and on and on...
>
> ??
> Not sure what you mean there.. I hadn't thought of that.. Do you mean about my mother scaring everybody away from me?
>
Damn Alex, damn, damn, damn. It just occurred to me how right your T is. It's just occurred to me that if I put myself in your place, your history. The anger would be at ME. Because I would have blamed myself for everything that happened. I would have been angry at me because way, way deep down inside it would be all my fault, there must have been something wrong with me for everyone/everything to be like this. This would have been my thinking right from the start and everything would have just reinforced that.I'm so sorry Alex. It's not your fault, you're not to blame. Not then, not now. Even if just a little of each of these is true, it's such a big thing.
poster:Damos
thread:554076
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050912/msgs/554517.html