Posted by fairywings on September 12, 2005, at 11:52:45
In reply to Re: Cutting*trigger*, posted by B2chica on September 12, 2005, at 11:23:19
> thanks for those words muffled and fw. i think i did need to hear others have made it through. i just feel like everyone around me is tired of hearing the same old thing, including my T.
B2 please know that people don't get tired of hearing about it. worried, concerned, scared for you, want to help, but not tired of it. please don't think that. it would be like me saying to my best friend that i get tired of hearing about her trips to the hospital because she has diabetes, or my sister's M.S., or if my family got tired of hearing about my migraines. you're sick, and you need to talk. your T is in the business of helping people who don't feel well emotionally, that's what he's there for.
> i'm on ritalin, wellbutrin, zyprexa and xanax (ambien and gin and tonic as needed) i think the wellbutrin may need to be upped and i should stop drinking, that doesn't help either.
yeah, try stopping the g and t, and see if p-doc will up the wellbutrin, and see how you feel. how high is the ritalin. i know when my adderall was too high - 60/day i got suicidally depressed, when we took it down to 40 i felt good. it can be so touchy, yours might be the same way.
> it's pretty bad when the nurses know your name. i'm afraid if i go too many times they''ll want to send me to the county mental facility. that scares me more than death.
can they make you do that? have you told your T your fear? what does he say? i'd tell him if you havent'.
>
> please babble help me through this. i'm very calm and checked out the place i plan to do it saturday.wait a minute, help you babble through what? what are you saying? please go to your T and then to the hospital if you're saying you're going to going to commit suicide B2. keep talking all you want, we'll listen, there are plenty of us who have felt this way, who have been there before. we understand how bad you feel, but just keep putting it off, don't make that plan! your husband loves you alive, just the way you are. you are sick, but you will get better, i wish you could see that light at the end of the tunnel.
B2, think about when you started feeling so bad, then before that, what medications were you on? when's the last time you felt pretty good? what medications were you on? i just have to wonder if the mix you're on right now is causing some problems. my p-doc was really adamant about not putting me on wellbutrin and adderall. just give it some thought. i know not too long ago you were flying, you were so high, remember the coffee? and you were thinking of ideas for paintings? could it be the meds? shouldn't you talk to your p-doc?
>>i found an isolated place. i'm scared. but feel trapped. part of me as foolish as it sounds feels like i've been talking about it for so long that if i don't try again i won't be taken seriously, like i'm crying wolf or something.
please don't think that following through would make anyone feel better! getting better, getting your life back would make everyone happy. Please work on that B2! Don't feel foolish, don't give in to this please!
> i know you all believe, and understand but so many around me don't.they can't understand, it's unfortunate, but when you've never felt the pain of depression, you just have no concept. my MIL is incredibly intolerant of ppl with depression. my husband's aunt suffers, and my MIL is brutal (which is why i never tell her anything!) anyway, i have wished that she could feel, for any length of time - one week, one month, one year, what we have felt, just so that she could understand.
>>i do love my husband and don't want to ruin his life, but what's worse having a wife that you constantly have to gut wrenchingly worry about killing herself or one that's dead and can't cause anymore worries?Definitely one who's alive, one who can get better, one who's working so hard with her therapist. A wife who loves her husband and will keep fighting such a terrible painful disease because she loves her husband and it's possible to get better, even though some days it doesn't feel like it.
> logically i know the answer to that but i'm just not believing that....i know it's wrong but can't ....can't get to that place.
it's hard when you feel like sh*t.
>
> i'm tired of gaining weight, tired of being tired, tired of not being able to work to my full capacity, tired of worrying about loosing my job, tired of worrying about finishing school, tired of the incredible ache inside my heart.(((hugs))))
>
> i will tell T how i feel. i will promise that. i care about him maybe part of my stress is knowing that he may leave and i would have to transfer to someone else.Take him your posts. Tell him everything B2. tell him your worries and your fears as well as your feelings, and your plans. I'm so worried about you.
>
> i'll write tomorrow if i can.please write B2, keep fighting. and please know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
also, have you posted on the meds boards? i'd be interested to know what scott thinks about your med combo. what are your dosages?
fw
poster:fairywings
thread:553299
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050912/msgs/554209.html