Posted by B2chica on September 12, 2005, at 11:23:19
In reply to Re: Cutting*trigger* » muffled, posted by fairywings on September 12, 2005, at 11:08:49
thanks for those words muffled and fw. i think i did need to hear others have made it through. i just feel like everyone around me is tired of hearing the same old thing, including my T.
i'm on ritalin, wellbutrin, zyprexa and xanax (ambien and gin and tonic as needed) i think the wellbutrin may need to be upped and i should stop drinking, that doesn't help either.i've acutally got an appt with my school advisor tomorrow that i don't want to miss otherwise i definaltly would consider the hospital. maybe thursday after T appt if i'm not better i'll go....Again...
it's pretty bad when the nurses know your name. i'm afraid if i go too many times they''ll want to send me to the county mental facility. that scares me more than death.please babble help me through this. i'm very calm and checked out the place i plan to do it saturday. i found an isolated place. i'm scared. but feel trapped. part of me as foolish as it sounds feels like i've been talking about it for so long that if i don't try again i won't be taken seriously, like i'm crying wolf or something.
i know you all believe, and understand but so many around me don't. i do love my husband and don't want to ruin his life, but what's worse having a wife that you constantly have to gut wrenchingly worry about killing herself or one that's dead and can't cause anymore worries?
logically i know the answer to that but i'm just not believing that....i know it's wrong but can't ....can't get to that place.i'm tired of gaining weight, tired of being tired, tired of not being able to work to my full capacity, tired of worrying about loosing my job, tired of worrying about finishing school, tired of the incredible ache inside my heart.
i will tell T how i feel. i will promise that. i care about him maybe part of my stress is knowing that he may leave and i would have to transfer to someone else. but i keep reminding myself that he's not dying, he'd just be moving and i envy that. i envy that he can move anywhere in the US he wants.
i'll write tomorrow if i can.
thank you for letting meknow that there may be a light at the end of the tunnel for me too.
b2c.
poster:B2chica
thread:553299
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050912/msgs/554195.html