Posted by kerria on August 24, 2005, at 12:00:08
hi everyone, since i can't find any part of me who is willing to go to work now i may as well ask for support.
My T is so unsupportive. i hate that he left me in this place.The past days ther were bad flashbacks. T said if i told him- it would help- one more person than me knowing.
a part came. a disabled beaten up part with broken everything. tears. as soon as she came i knew her history and now i still know.
It's so painful to have these thoughts in my mind. i'm so devastated by my T's comment when i was so upset during the session. T said "If you don't like it you can go to someone else." i feel so abandoned. He drew this part out and now it's a part of me that hurts so much. i feel i became pain of everything that happened. There's no one to help. i'm so upset- i can't go to work i don't feel that the part will come and i hate the pain i'm living with. tears.
i can't do anything about it .
no one understands. my family, everyone is so critical.tears. i 'm missing work , i don't see going anywhere . it hurts too much to live with this part . i wish i had a T that cared about me and didn't always say thigs like "You have what you get with me" leaving me in crisis and unable to live in pain now.
i hate how there's never anyone to help. there nothing i can do to get away because it's part of me now and i can't handle the pain of it.
"i hate my parts " now is "i hate myself".
Why does my T think that's better?now i have someone to be but i hate it. i wish my T would help with the devastating effects of therapy. i hate how he leaves me all torn apart without any hope or capacity to live and is happy to throw me out of the office at exactly 4:50 no matter what condition there is left. i hate going there. i wish i never made the mistake of going. why doesn't he care about what happens to me? What can i do now?
Please don't say it's better- or for the best. If you were me you would know that it's not healthy or safe or anything postive to live with knowing this - i have no capacity .
poster:kerria
thread:546039
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050824/msgs/546039.html