Posted by Jen Star on July 12, 2005, at 23:40:31
In reply to Re: For JenStar and Alex » pinkeye, posted by alexandra_k on July 12, 2005, at 22:09:31
Pinkeye,
I think Alex has made some really good points! Is it possible that your friend notices your insecurity and kind of likes it? Maybe she enjoys being seen as the rich & powerful one in the relationship? Some people do that - they try to set up imbalanced relationship so they can feel powerful.The things is, I feel that you are equal and better than her in many ways. You just don't let yourself see it. You're smart, talented, kind, interesting and fun. you just don't value these things in yourself!
The other thing is, I think it's important to have friends with whom you don't HAVE to compare yourself all the time. My favorite friends are the ones with whom I feel at ease, secure, loved, and respected. Some of them make more money than I do, some less; some are more "successful" at work, some less -- but that all falls away when we're together and we just have fun. Do you have friends with whom you can just be YOU and have a good time?
I think if you respected yourself more and had more confidence in yourself, you wouldn't care as much about prestige & the trappings of success. But then again I didn't grow up in India; I understand that in India money, wealth, and family connections are HUGE and EVERYTHING-ISH (correct me if I'm wrong!) to many people, and that social status is HUGE, much more so than in the USA. So I can see that if you grew up being compared always on those criteria, it would be hard to stop doing it. And it would be very hard to judge yourself on kindness, grace, intellect, humor.
I've read that one way to help improve your self esteem is to act like you're hot sh*t even if you don't feel that way inside. Hold your head high, throw your shoulders back, and walk tall. Never stutter. Never ever say, "It's probably not a great idea, but I think..." -- instead say, "I have a very good idea that I want to share with you." Always act with confidence, even if you're cringing inside. Try to speak up at least once in EVERY meeting with an idea or a critique. This makes people notice you in a good way. Doing these things helps build an air of confidence around you, and over time it will feel natural. And it WILL help other people see you as someone who respects themself.
((pinkeye))
take care!
JenStar
poster:Jen Star
thread:526801
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050706/msgs/526978.html