Posted by pinkeye on July 13, 2005, at 14:01:57
In reply to Re: Always having to deal with people much above me!! » Jen Star, posted by Jen Star on July 12, 2005, at 23:50:49
Thanks a lot JenStar..
I think I always had problem with my self esteem.. and somehow keep thinking I am not that good. Many times in meetings and conferences, I think of something really good to say, but I keep quiet for fear of speaking in group. But then I have noticed a while later somebody else raises the same point and gets all the praises.. And I end up blaming myself for not being able to speak up earlier..
Thinking back, I always had this problem - from childhood. I always think of myself as somehow not being good enough, not being smart enough etc.. And in fact I had always been one of the toppers throughout.. but I always liked other girls better than I ever liked myself. And the same thing is happening till today in work, with friends, and with others..
Sometimes, I get very arrogant.. but that usually is after taking lot of beating from others for a long time.. and that subsides quickly too..
I really get very afraid in work, and even with people I keep thinking friends would leave me and go, and if something goes wrong slightly at work, I automatically take full responsibility for it.
And you are right.. everything is not about money and fame.. and I don't really compare myself with other friends of mine who are not so well off or anything. I don't think I am better than them because I have a better job.. But maybe this particular friend of mine has problems with herself, because of the pressures she is in herself, and maybe I take it on myself when I talk to her..
And maybe it has become even more of an issue now, becuase I am feeling my ex T didn't write to me because he has become this much more of a big shot .. and he even mentioned that he is too busy to write to me because he was having lots of other priorites because he was son of so and so.. I think maybe combined with my already poor self esteem, it was even more of a blow.. I blame myself for not being socially more respectable etc.
poster:pinkeye
thread:526801
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050706/msgs/527140.html