Posted by gardenergirl on May 3, 2005, at 0:17:55
In reply to Re: T. Referred to My Younger Self?! (extrememly long) » gardenergirl, posted by 10derHeart on May 2, 2005, at 11:27:48
> Thanks, gg. I really don't have any ideas that it's okay or not okay. I think it was a lot about being startled. And I have no clue why I wrote something about "should he have done that?" I KNOW it was okay because no matter what odd feelings came and went and how *new* that was, there was always a feeling of calm and safety underneath everything. That's how I can tell there's no prblem with any "approach" he comes up with. You know, I read that question now and don't even know who wrote it! Hey, wait a minute, maybe....hmm, just gave myself something to consider.
Interesting, isn't it, how your thoughts and feelings can change over time? I would guess that you felt so startled and perhaps it felt so personal, that you just were thrown off for a bit. So it makes sense to stand up, brush yourself off, and check things out.
>
> Anyway, I don't quite know how you can know what I meant by the "stealing" remark. But I appreciate you saying that anyway. I say that because I cringe now when I read that part.I just had a very similar feeling recently, and I wondered if my thinking of different emotions as coming from different age states was a structure I was "borrowing" from others. Or if I was overly influenced by what I read here. But I think it makes sense, and I cringe now, too at the thougt that I might be "stealing" someone else's structure for understanding. >
> Hope I didn't come across like regression was not a valid concept. I didn't mean to. That's why I shouldn't write stuff that's important to me after midnight :-( I know it is. I think it's that suddenly, with no warning, the whole reason I thought telling him about my "drive by" behavior with ex-T. was so hard, changed - it morphed into something else entirely. Something about me and why I was/am so concerned he (ex-T.) knew I wasn't doing anything wrong, bad, threatening. T. saw something different looking at me and hearing me (and boy was he REALLY hearing me) that I didn't, and that was so weird for a few minutes. And then he made it okay.
You know, I might very well have been projecting my own issues with where I am at in therapy onto your post when I read it. I should go back to your first post and read it again, and see if I read it differently now. Because I feel like I am regressing again, and I didn't expect to. And I'm not sure it is "okay" yet for me. I'm sure it is, but it feels a bit like I am getting worse. But actually, it's probably a function of deepening.
>
> I still feel I'm not saying this right. Maybe I'll give myself a pass at least until I can talk to T. about it - which I'm not sure I want to do -before I beat myself up over it. Have patience with anything I say, I'm definitely groping for words and am afraid of offending someone at this point. Maybe it'll get easier with time.It will get easier, I'm sure. It sounds like it may be very important to your therapy, but also very startling. Keep us informed how it goes, if you are comfortable with that.
gg
poster:gardenergirl
thread:491270
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050428/msgs/492962.html