Posted by 10derHeart on May 2, 2005, at 13:41:11
In reply to Re: T. Referred to My Younger Self?! (extrememly long) » 10derHeart, posted by Dinah on April 29, 2005, at 12:54:05
Thanks, Dinah. That was some very thoughtful stuff you wrote. Actually helped me with the sorting out of some of this.
I don't think my T. did anything wrong, either. I probably never did. When I wrote that, I think it was a knee-jerk comment, sort of a, "gee, don't sneak up on me with important, new stuff like that," reaction. A repeated theme in therapy for me is the terror of having the "rug pulled out from under me," over and over again for the last 26 years by people leaving me suddenly with no explanation, so I see this as a moment of feeling that possibility. Which my T. must not ever even appear to be doing on any level. He must be PERFECT about this. (hah!) Sometimes defensiveness is the first response.
The puzzling thing to me in this is all about memories in general. On some scale of normalcy (not that there there is one, but let's pretend...) where do I fall as far as remembering childhood anyway? This has bugged me for years. No T. has ever given a good answer. They all shrug or babble on about how the way the brain deals with memory is still largely unknown. I have maybe 3 or 4 memories from age five. None before that at all. The rest of my elementary school years are so spotty. I have to have other people or photo albums to really recall much of anything. Is everyone like this? Because when other adults my age tell stories, I always feel like the odd one out, shaking my head and saying I don't get how you remember any of that stuff. Even high school - though it's better - is so fuzzy. Heck, even my daughter's growing up has faded tremendously. I don't like it. Makes me feel quite strange and sad. But perhaps many people's memories work (or don't) just like this. Oops, slight tangent taking over...
Oh, well. I have a lot to think about. What else is new, right?
poster:10derHeart
thread:491270
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050428/msgs/492709.html