Posted by messadivoce on March 20, 2005, at 23:17:18
In reply to Re: It's still there (are ya'll sick of this subject?) » messadivoce, posted by 10derHeart on March 19, 2005, at 21:57:14
Thanks 10derheart. As usual you have helpful things for me to think about. Not that others don't, but you always bring up such good points.
I wonder, though, why I can't just accept those 8 months for what they were. I was in the care of a kind, loving, sincere person who truly cared for me and wanted the best for me. We developed a bond that was very close, and he gave himself fully to the relationship as I trusted my life with him. Whenever I shared more of myself, I felt like he did the same by existing in the intensity with me...not letting me flounder by myself. And then it was over, it had to end, and why can't I just accept that instead of wanting MORE MORE MORE???
I liked your "superglue" analogy. I have never felt that dependent on another person, and it was truly scary. He was such a skillful T though, I always felt like I was completely safe. I assumed termination would feel the same, safe, way. But that doesn't make any sense, now does it. So I'm still mad at him for completely messing it up, and making me suffer more.
So I agree--in 10 years he will know how to handle termination better, and will probably look back on my case and know that the ending was not good. This is where reality ends for me. I want so badly for him to reappear in my life in some way, to be some sort of presence. I don't know how realistic that is, but I know I want it. Which is maybe why I'm reluctant to let go now? Am I afraid I won't need him later.?
poster:messadivoce
thread:472730
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050315/msgs/473404.html