Posted by Dinah on June 30, 2004, at 9:36:10
In reply to Re: Reading your Therapist's signals, posted by cricket on June 30, 2004, at 8:50:28
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> I'm not sure why it's so important for me to try and figure out what he's feeling. I guess it's an old abandonment instinct. Figure out what makes the caregiver happy and you won't be abandoned.Wow. I really do understand. In fact, I think that is probably the root problem I have with standing up to "authority figures" that I was just discussing on Social. I think I need to substitute "caregivers" for "authority figures" and that makes it really easy for me to understand, given my intense fears of abandonment.
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> Of course at the same time, I am always pushing my therapist away, shutting down, etc. So it's very complicated. Most of the time I am very much in the "Nyah, nyah, I don't need you" sticking my tongue out incredible brat mode. Now the question is - is he an equally good reader of signals so that he knows that I really mean "but oh yes, I do need you and I think it is going to kill me and I can't stand another minute of it and why don't you just throw me out now because you are going to do it eventually anyway."
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> Unfortunately we've never discussed any of this and I can't even imagine a conversation like you have with your therapist. So I guess I am not as far along as you are or maybe my therapist just isn't as wonderful as yours sounds.I think you'd be surprised if you brought your post in and handed it to him. A lot of therapists are good at seeing through the surface to the underlying feelings. Mine wasn't. Until I told him those things explicitly, he was at a total loss to understand why I kept coming in when I so obviously wasn't getting anything from the experience. Therapy improved *a lot* when I told him how I really felt. It was scary, but with a good therapist the risk is really worth taking.
poster:Dinah
thread:361747
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040624/msgs/361948.html