Posted by cricket on June 30, 2004, at 8:50:28
In reply to Reading your Therapist's signals, posted by DaisyM on June 29, 2004, at 18:57:37
DaisyM
I really, really know what you're talking about.
I think that I am very good at picking up signals too. I think abused children in general are. I know that at times my very survival depended on that skill.
So now of course I watch my therapists' every facial gesture, listen for every tone of voice, scan every body movement. That is of course when I am not staring at his feet which unfortunately tell me nothing at all. So at times I think I've seen it all or almost it all - caring, frustration, delight, anger, disappointment, approval, sadness and I think that most of the time I am right on.
But then at times I know I am projecting. For example, he puts his head down every so often when he's speaking (perhaps to collect his thoughts or maybe just to avoid my eyes during a difficult moment) and I always think okay here it is now he's going to tell me to leave. It's never happened, of course, but I guarantee that I will still think that next time he puts his head down.
I'm not sure why it's so important for me to try and figure out what he's feeling. I guess it's an old abandonment instinct. Figure out what makes the caregiver happy and you won't be abandoned.
Of course at the same time, I am always pushing my therapist away, shutting down, etc. So it's very complicated. Most of the time I am very much in the "Nyah, nyah, I don't need you" sticking my tongue out incredible brat mode. Now the question is - is he an equally good reader of signals so that he knows that I really mean "but oh yes, I do need you and I think it is going to kill me and I can't stand another minute of it and why don't you just throw me out now because you are going to do it eventually anyway."
Unfortunately we've never discussed any of this and I can't even imagine a conversation like you have with your therapist. So I guess I am not as far along as you are or maybe my therapist just isn't as wonderful as yours sounds.
poster:cricket
thread:361747
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040624/msgs/361930.html