Posted by LG04 on June 4, 2004, at 10:03:03
In reply to Making Mountains out of Molehills...., posted by mair on June 3, 2004, at 17:03:00
Hi Mair,
I've read this thread with great interest. I agree with you about the double-edged sword. I am very close with my therapist and sometimes I wish I weren't. In some ways it makes it much harder. Boundaries are more difficult to define, expectations can get out of whack, and I also think there is more countertransference on the side of the therapist.There are times when I wish for the days of my old therapist, whom I saw for 5 years, where I didn't think about her at all except for during my sessions or if I needed to speak with her between sessions. I didn't have any interest in knowing anything about her. She was a kind, older woman who was very helpful to me and I got thru a lot of stuff with her. But I never felt any chemistry or connection with her and that was okay with me. I also had no transference with her. (I always had it with people outside the therapy relationship...friends, co-workers, authority figures, etc., which made it very difficult to work thru).
With this therapist, I feel (and I know it's mutual) a very strong connection that goes over and above any therapy relationship I've ever had. She is a huge part of my life emotionally. I know that I am working thru things with her via transference that I've never worked thru before and could never work thru in a relationship that didn't have this kind of transference and connection. But sometimes it's very hard. Sometimes I think we are almost too close, and that she is too comfortable with me. She doesn't tell me about her problems, but I do know a lot about her (because I ask). When she makes mistakes with me, it's very painful. (though maybe that's the case with any therapeutic relationship) Sometimes I think more distance would be good. Soon I am leaving the country I am in (Israel) either for the summer or for good. If it's for the summer and I return, I think it will benefit our relationship, to have some distance and perspective.
Anyway the double-edged sword comment is right on target. I feel like I am almost in a kind of marriage with her. It's an intense, intimate relationship. I am single, and I am hoping that this relationship is preparing me for a marital relationship, which is something I want in my life. I am definitely learning a ton about myself and working thru stuff. But damn it's hard.
Also, I wouldn't give her up or my relationship with her for anything. She means so much to me and I love her deeply.
LG
poster:LG04
thread:352875
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040603/msgs/353708.html