Posted by Rigby on April 12, 2004, at 9:25:15
In reply to Actually.... » Rigby, posted by crushedout on April 12, 2004, at 8:52:43
Hi Crushed,
This is definitely tricky--I can see your dilemna and how difficult this must be for you. How much is truly here/now and how much is your stuff *and* her stuff. A lot to tease out. Ultimately though you hit the nail on the head--if you feel she's not helping but possibly even making things worse you need to do something about it.
You sound *very* clear headed and that's great. You may want to even print what you wrote. I think what's really good is that you're willing to look at things in different lights: you're willing to see this as a here-and-now dynamic, you're willing to own your stuff if there's a dynamic being played out, you're also open to seeing if the responsibility also partially falls on her. I think seeing things from different lights and in shades of grey requires a great level of maturity.
My theory on re-enactment is that it tends to happen when there's transference. The therapist really just lets the script play out. So you feel like you get lots of food for thought but no help on digesting it. Frustrating. But working through this in my case I can say it's tres rewarding. But clean it is not. Nor is it real pleasant. Or fast.
I have had periods of not knowing who to trust during the grips of therapy and it scared the heck outta me because I've always trusted my instincts. It all comes back though. I think it's the brain and heart's way of challenging patterns that have been in place for a long time. It's scary. But sometimes the re-wiring is desparately needed (have you read A General Theory of Love?)
Keep writing, keep questioning, keep plugging away. From the sounds of *you* it sounds like you're making progress.
Let us know how it goes today.
poster:Rigby
thread:334773
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040409/msgs/335480.html