Posted by Rigby on April 12, 2004, at 22:41:25
In reply to Re: More on today's session (really long) » crushedout, posted by gardenergirl on April 12, 2004, at 21:17:10
Hi Crushed,
Yeah, I agree with the others--Dr. X-hole was outta line. Arrrgghh!!!! I'd try and hold off calling Dr. X though--the drama quotient just seems too high with that.
Sounds like you're doing all the right things including trying your best to deal with the situation with this therapist but also seeking out other options as well.
While I think your therapist had a good point about working through your stuff with her since you have such intense feelings for her I also think that a case could be made, given all the water under the bridge with her, that it might not be a bad idea to start fresh.
Sorry this has gotten so tangled up for you. Good for you for pushing through. If you are not working I feel for you even more as this stuff can get magnified without some level of distraction from it.
Rigby
> Crushed,
> It sounds like a really difficult yet perhaps productive session. I really admire you for dealing with this. I do think it is perfectly fine for you to be seeking a new T. Some T's refuse to see someone who is currently seeing another T out of professional courtesy. But I think Dr. X calling Ellen and telling her about your session went beyond that and was wrong. At best, Dr. X should have encouraged you to talk to Ellen about it and left it to you to inform her.
>
> > That she needed me to talk through the feelings I was having about her instead spending the session talking about other stuff and then going home and feeling devastated about her and dealing with it in self-destructive ways.
>
> I agree with you that this may be a way of holding up the work in therapy, but if you do it, I think it likely is more unconscious on your part. Even if not, she should be working with you on why this is so, rather than telling you you are not doing therapy "right".
>
> > I said, “Like, for example, having clear and consistent boundaries.” So, we spent the rest of the session talking about how she could try to better meet that need, which she agreed she could and should meet, and that that would be helpful to me.
>
> Good for you!!!!!
>
> > She said she used it to try to manipulate me to not SI and to express my feelings, as a sort of reward (?) when I expressed myself in a productive way. Help? I know this seems wrong but I’m not sure why.
>
> I can see using the principles of reinforcement in working with a client, especially is you are working from a behavioral model. But outright stating she was manipulating you can't help but be offensive, in my opinion. I think I would rather have explained the principle. Her using the word manipulation seems to suggest to me that she has some personal investment in the outcome. Other that as your T, that should not be so.
> >
> >
> > Last Friday, btw, I made an appointment for a week from today with yet another therapist -- this one, as far as I know, doesn’t know Ellen, and she comes highly recommended from a friend. I talked to her on the phone and I really liked her immediately. She seemed smart and very kind and understood what the issue was right away. I didn’t tell Ellen about her today, but I have another session tomorrow. Do you think it’s important I tell Ellen about her then?
>
> This sounds really positive. You sound much more in command of your needs and your therapy than you have in the past. I hope that feels good to you in some way. I think it is up to you about telling Ellen, but I also think that it is better to come from you than from someone else. You certainly have the right to explore all of your options. If Ellen personaly gets mad at that, that is HER issue, not yours.
> >
> > Hopefully this other T will be able to help me sort out whether I should terminate or not and things will become clearer. She understands that that's where I am right now, and sounds like she really wants to help me.
>
> Yeah crushed! I know this is really hard, but I think you are handling it wonderfully.
>
> Take care and please keep us posted,
> gg
>
>
>
poster:Rigby
thread:334773
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040409/msgs/335770.html