Posted by crushedout on April 10, 2004, at 19:04:17
In reply to Re: Extra session next week stressing me out, posted by DaisyM on April 10, 2004, at 16:11:33
Hey everyone,
We had the burial for my grandma today so I haven't been on the computer till now, and I'm in a hotel room with my uncle so I won't write much now.
Basically, I think there are two separate issues. One is that my T has known that I've wanted to see her more often for a couple months now, but she hasn't directly addressed whether she can give one to me. Each time it's a negotiation and a struggle for me, and it feels almost like she lords the possible extra session over my head. Often her lack of clarity about whether I can have it or not causes me great pain and even makes me want to hurt myself.
Now, she's promised me an extra session if one opened up, and here she is implying that the session has to be used for this certain reason, now that's it's become available. It shouldn't be conditional. I agree that what's bothering me about her would be a good thing to discuss, but the way she phrased makes me almost feel like I have no choice, like if I wasn't willing to talk about this topic, she wouldn't be willing to give me the session, even though she agreed to give me whatever time opened up when we first discussed the possibility of an extra session last week. It seems like some kind of power game she's playing. That's what it feels like. Does that make sense?
The second issue is just that yes, it stresses me out to address the topic because it's a hard topic. Since I was planning to address that topic, anyway, I would have been stressed regardless of this email, but this email adds to the pressure.
poster:crushedout
thread:334773
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040409/msgs/335008.html