Posted by Racer on February 3, 2004, at 15:42:51
In reply to I'm glad you're here :) » Racer, posted by Karen_kay on February 3, 2004, at 15:14:13
I'm glad my words are helpful. Sometimes I think I'm filled to the brim with wisdom and insight, other times I think I just type too much...
As for the relationship thing, I could tell you stories and stories and anecdotes and other stories, but they'd all come full circle, leaving nothing but this: you'll have to decide to form emotional attachments in order to form them. Whether or not you think you can, you can do it if you decide to, even though it's likely to be hard.
Here's my story, in a nutshell: I spent years and years and years in relationships with people I really couldn't bond with or commit to. I undermined the relationships with infidelity and other naughty things. In the end, I finally saw two things: I always got involved with people I didn't think quite "measured up" -- so that I could maintain my lack of committment -- and I the people I defined as A Better Choice were people who would never be interested in committing to me. EPIPHANY!!! Consciously or not, I was chosing both my Ideals and my For-Nows so that I could avoid making any meaningful emotional attachment.
By the way, I've made and kept great girl-friends pretty successfully in my life. There's a little thread of this problem in some of them, but the fabric of our friendship is basically sound. That's just a little snack for thought.
It's like the old joke: I don't belong to any clubs, because the only ones that would let me join aren't good enough for me. That's what I did with relationships.
OK, go ahead, ask it. Yes, I'm married. Do I think I'm with him because nothing better came along in time? Sometimes. Do I love him? Yes. Am I emotionally attached to him? Yes. In fact, I'll go you one better: I'm still friends with and emotionally (though not romatically) attached with my most recent ex-boyfriend.
There, proof positive that -- difficult as it is -- you can do it if you decide to do it. Take this one piece of advice from a woman who's been there: do it now, not later. I don't know how old you are, but I know how old I was before I finally took off the blinkers. And I know how much pain I put myself through by wearing them. Do yourself a favor, and learn from my experience without having to try it yourself.
Good luck!
poster:Racer
thread:308879
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040131/msgs/308957.html