Posted by noa on January 31, 2004, at 15:26:21
In reply to What I need, posted by fallsfall on January 30, 2004, at 9:03:40
Fallsfall, if the issue of you looking to other people for validation like that has been a theme in therapy, I think he could still have responded in a warmer manner, like simply asking somthing like, "why wouldn't it be important?" Further, I think he could explore with you what you were perceiving about how he listened to and responded to what you were talking about--was there something about the manner in which he was listening and responding that conveyed either that it was important or not important? I think he could have responded in a number of ways without directly saying that he wasn't going to gratify your wish for direct validation because that is your issue. Sure, it's one of the issues you're in therapy for, but when you're feeling so vulnerable, there is no reason to have to have therapy be so "tough love"!
Your experience of this is that he was saying to you that you shouldn't need other people to validate you. I don't know if he was actually saying it or it was conveyed in the way he responded, but either way, it's beside the point for that moment in time. Needing the validation is where you were at at that moment. While simply gratifying it by saying, yes it was important, might not have seemed the way to go for him, I think you needed him to be more accepting of the fact that this is the place you were at--feeling vulnerable and needing the validation. And since you've discussed the need for validation before, it probably would have been more fruitful to look at the nuances of the situation as I described above.
poster:noa
thread:307199
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040131/msgs/307790.html