Posted by fallsfall on January 30, 2004, at 9:03:40
In reply to Re: Asking for what you need, posted by Karen_kay on January 30, 2004, at 8:37:32
I spent the last couple of days digesting connections between memories and coming up with a "pattern" that seems to fit in my life. The pattern (without the details) is "When I am sick, I am bad and noone will come".
In yesterday's session I told my therapist about the different times that this was true in my life and, therefore, why I see it as a pattern.
The discussion was very dry. I experienced immense emotion in connection with these memories the day before, but in therapy it was all very mechanical. He seemed bored to me - heck, I was bored. I told him that I was afraid he would say "So what?". He didn't really respond. At the end, I told him that I had been nervous to come to the session because I was afraid he wouldn't "get it". He asked if I thought that he "got it", and I said no.
Then he said that he thought that I was asking him to validate that what I had been talking about was important. He was perfectly correct in this. I wanted to know that it was important, that I had done real work, that I had done a good job. He said that he didn't think that it would be helpful for me for him to validate it. He said that I knew that it was important, and that should be enough. I know that it is true that I tend to look to other people to tell me what is happening. I don't trust my own impressions. I assume that he is referring to this.
But I turned my heart inside out in the last two days. I just wanted him to say that it was worth it. That I had done a good job.
My first reaction was very strong. I was a complete failure at therapy. My issues are trivial. I have no cause to be sick. (Remember, when I am sick, I am bad). And I felt that, even though he had promised me the day before that he wouldn't abandon me, he emotionally abandoned me by not giving me any response on what I said (i.e. noone will be there). The strength of the reaction made me think that it was transference.
But I still want to plead with him for some validation.
poster:fallsfall
thread:307199
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040123/msgs/307219.html