Posted by Karen_kay on January 30, 2004, at 8:37:32
In reply to Asking for what you need, posted by fallsfall on January 30, 2004, at 8:00:53
(((fallsfall)))
I'm so sorry that you're going through a hard time right now. I'm glad that you are posting though. I've been worried about you.
I don't think that needs can be bad. Or that feelings are bad either. They just are. But, I think that if a therapist gives into our needs and feelings without looking into why we have them, then it can be harmful to the process of healing. I know, it seems so generic. So, I'll give you an example from my perspective, K?
*I'm in a relationship that isn't working right now. It never really worked and it's obvious to everone that it isn't working. I've asked my therapist several times if I should just leave my boyfriend and he won't come out and sy it (though I know he thinks I should). I'm also indesicive, so if my therapist were to say, "Go and leave your boyfriend today." I have no doubt I would with a small amount of convincing. And though I know I should, I need him to tell me I should. But, it wouldn't help in in my progress, as that would only be letting someone else make the decision for me. And if I felt I made a mistake, I would blame him. He's trying to teach me to make my own decisions.
The need that you have also has to be in favor of helping you and not hindering you as well. If you need would hinder the process of therapy, then it wouldn't be beneficial for your therapist to give you that particular need. It would be beneficial to give you support, nurturing, advice, ect. to help you through, but not that need that you have. Does that make sense?
Take a look at your need and see if it is what you really "need." Is it beneficial to your therapy? Can you get it somewhere else? Could you get it from us or from other support systems?(((Fallsfall))) I'm so sorry you're hurting :(
poster:Karen_kay
thread:307199
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040123/msgs/307210.html