Posted by fallsfall on January 31, 2004, at 8:51:59
In reply to Re: What I need » fallsfall, posted by antigua on January 30, 2004, at 23:34:12
Antigua,
No, you didn't offend me in any way.
I am horrified by what happened to you. And in some ways my first therapist abandoned me, and I trusted her (8 1/2 years). I know that therapists aren't perfect, and some of them aren't even very good some of the time. And some of them are evil some of the time.
I know that your story is true. And it is important for you to tell it. It helps those of us with rose colored glasses to see more of the truth. It helps those of us who split (and can see only the good in people) to see things more realistically.
I think that my long response was a defense. A defense of why I think that trusting my therapist is OK. When I think about it logically, after what my first therapist did, I probably shouldn't trust my second. But I don't feel like I have much of a choice (I don't think I would survive without a therapist, and I don't know how to work with a therapist that I don't trust).
I truly do trust this guy - even more than I trusted my first therapist. I guess I just wanted to make the case that my actions (trust) and his actions (making me work so hard) are OK. I want them to be OK. In my split world, they will be OK (until, heaven forbid, they become evil). But I guess that if that were to happen, that I would deal with it somehow. Just like I did with my first therapist. Trying to keep for myself the good parts, and make the bad parts go as far away from me as possible.
Your point, that therapists cannnot always be trusted, is a critical point. And I (conveniently) forget it - even though my first therapist betrayed my trust. Ah. The split world is so simple. I'm not sure I want to stop splitting. It seems so complicated.
So, Antigua, I'm glad that you posted your experience. And I hope that you can work your way past your evil therapist into productive space. And I hope that I can, too.
poster:fallsfall
thread:307199
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040131/msgs/307649.html