Posted by fallsfall on September 5, 2003, at 15:46:49
In reply to Please help..feeling really confused.. , posted by Adia on September 5, 2003, at 13:56:20
You are in a very difficult position.
First, I'm so glad that you have someone who you can trust, who you feel can help you. That is so important. Can you tell me a little bit about her? What kind of therapy does she do (CBT, Psychodynamic, Eclectic, etc.)? How long has she been practicing? Is she in a group, or does she have an office by herself? How did you find her? How long have you been seeing her?
I can certainly understand reading letters in the session. There have been many times when I have sat in a session and tried to talk, but wasn't able to. I'd sit there trying to make words come out of my mouth for 15 minutes. But if there was something I knew that I needed to talk about, I would journal (and that usually made the whole topic clearer to me). Then in the next session I might try to talk, but not be able to. So I would get out my journalling and try to read it. Sometimes I couldn't even read it. Then I would give it to her to read. Then she knew what the topic was, and we could usually go on from there. As I was reading your post I thought that it might be helpful during a session when you can't talk to write instead. I never tried it (and now I have a different therapist), but it might help.
Have you sent her the letter describing the flashback? If you were planning to bring it to your next session, I might suggest sending it instead.
Did she say that she thought you weren't making progress, or that the sessions were too difficult, or both?
I think that you should send her an email telling her that you would like to have in person sessions, not just email. You can explain why it is important to you (not being alone, that she provides safety for you). Tell her that you want to be able to talk to her about how the two of you should handle this. See what she says.
She may not be sure how she can best help you. It may be distressing for her to see you going through so much pain. Usually, therapists have someone lined up for "Supervision". That's when the therapist talks about her cases and can get some feedback or other suggestions. It might help her to get another opinion on your case. Another thing that is done is to go for a consultation. This means that you go to see a different therapist for a small number of sessions (I want to say 1 - 4, but I don't know if that is accurate). Then the consulting therapist usually writes a summary for the regular therapist (but I think they could talk as well) about what they see are the issues and problems and solutions.
It sounds to me like you have had a rough life, and that you are working very hard to resolve your problems. I saw nothing in your post that indicated to me that you had done anything wrong - in fact you have done a lot of things right.
My advice is to make sure she gets the flashback letter, send an email so she knows how you are feeling about not seeing her in person.
Then eat ice cream.
You may need to wait a little to get this all straightened out. But it sounds like you are a survivor and you will get through this.
Rent a lot of movies, do something with your friends, distraction is very valuable. Try not to be alone (even if you don't want to see anybody). Ask a friend to keep an eye on you. And let us know how it goes.
poster:fallsfall
thread:257321
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030905/msgs/257353.html