Posted by Racer on February 11, 2004, at 19:43:23
In reply to Re: Dunno about shar.....me, neither!, posted by shar on February 10, 2004, at 22:00:07
There's a difference, then, because if I stop to think about what it really is that I'm upset about, I get to making excuses, and finding reasons to blame myself for everything, and generally doing all the things that lead me deeper into depression. What made the "fight" the other day so groundbreaking for me was being able to say, "I'm angry about this", at the moment when I was angry, rather than waiting until I've analysed it. The other benefit to this approach, by the way, is that my husband really doesn't "hear" me when I say, "gee, I was angry about this, because..." He goes into -- for lack of a better description -- Defensive Listening. Only listening to hear what he can refute, or deny. By expressing it in the moment, he could hear it and hear that it really was upsetting me.
On the other hand, I agree that figuring out what you're really upset about is a Good Thing. I'm doing an exercise about that right now, in fact! See, I don't tell doctors about things that are going on with me, unless the relationship to a drug is overwhelmingly obvious and the effect is really unbearable. I'm always afraid of being labeled a hypochondriac, forever after indentified by that label rather than having my concerns given a fair hearing and thoughtful consideration. (If any of you remember what I was going through when I first came to this site, you might understand why...) Anyway, first I talked to my therapist about writing a letter to my pdoc about that fear, and about my concerns. So, first I wrote an outline, then I started refining the outline, and eventually I realized that I didn't need to say everything in the first ouline -- the basic problem is really quite simple: I'm so afraid of having you slap a label of Hypochondriac and never actually pay attention to me again that I don't tell you that I'm having weird periods since starting this drug, I have a pain right about here since starting this other drug, and I'm worried about something that I'd like reassurance about.
Sure, what I have to say is a long sentence. It just doesn't need a long, reasonable explanation of why reassurance about these things is a valid use of his time.
OK, now to tell you all about a practical problem I'm having right now. Maybe someone here can help me out. My Reality Check bounced this month, so can anyone tell me if any of that made sense?
Thanks!
poster:Racer
thread:311056
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20031122/msgs/312236.html