Posted by shar on February 10, 2004, at 22:00:07
In reply to Dunno about shar, but... » judy1, posted by Racer on February 10, 2004, at 21:41:46
Me and anger, hmmm. Well, one thing I'm learning is to consider what it is I want. You know, we all hear about couples who argue about the plants and the dishes but not about sex/money/kids--when s/m/k is really the issue. So, if I'm angry or upset, I first work hard to figure out what my goal would be in bringing something up--what a successful outcome would look like to me. And, often, I end up much more focused on the outcome when I do say something, and what I say may be more neutral than my original anger would have made it.
Another thing I'm learning is that you can get angry at someone and not get abandoned (after years of brainwashing and evidence of the alternate view). That makes anger a bit more ok.
And, finally, I guess I'm learning that saying I'm angry about x, may not make one whit of a difference in the situation. The circumstances may not change at all; so the point is to notify my partner/friend/sister/etc. 'where I'm at' and even tho' I may want them to change their behavior, it may not happen. And to accept that, or if it's a biggie...take it from there.
Acceptance of my imperfections, my partner's/friends/etc. imperfections, and life's imperfections has been a big lesson that I'm still learning, and helps me have a different perspective on what I can and will live with (giving up the myths of good things happening to good people and throwing the baby out with the bathwater).
And I'm still working on it.
Shar
poster:shar
thread:311056
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20031122/msgs/311886.html